#my mom was a school psychologist though

[pinazee]

Murder?…Anyone? …Anyone?…Bueller?

First of all, solid title.

Secondly, im back (sort of). Lets get into it!

I LOVE this episode. I love the insight into who gus and shawn were as teenagers, i love how gus and shawn are both stuck in the past in different ways, and i love Abigail Lytar!

From the first moment we meet her, we know that she gets Shawn. She not only clocks his judd nelson pic, she also plays along with the joke and makes another obscure reference.

Abigail is the best love triangle addition in the history of television and i will die on that hill! They made her a genuine “competitor” to juliet by writing her as someone almost catered to shawns personality.

Normally with love triangles, they write the “competition” as less compelling of a choice to really emphasize how the mains are end goal OR they’ll make the decision split the center characters personalities, so like one choice will be the girl next door and represents the past version of them and the other is more career focused and represents the future (think sweet home alabama, uh, 13 going on 30, romcoms in general, you get it) And to a degree, thats sort of what this is with abigail and juliet, except it doesn’t split them in a way that is determined by shawn. Like, who shawn chooses doesn’t impact who he’ll be. The choice isnt a lesson or a determination of his character, if that makes sense. Plus, theres no caveat to Abigail. Like, she’d be perfect for him if it wasn’t for ___. None of that. Abigail and Shawn could have worked (ill go into it more in season 4 when they finally do get together).

Sidenote: i think her dynamic with both shawn and gus was really cute (which is another win in the abigail is a great love triangle addition column)

So apparently Shawns recall is so good he can do an instant replay. Idk if i should add that to his list of skills or just lump that into his existing memory power. I also love though, that its a blurry image because thats how Shawn saw it and they didn’t try to make him super human and see it in high definition.

Ravi shinkar is a heck of a reference to make and an even crazier one for lassie to have seen and shawn to understand haha

There was a joke made by Gus that Shawn didn’t know anything about their senior class or what happened senior year or the school, but I’d like to point out that his parents were on the brink of a divorce and then did divorce his senior year so im guessing he was pretty distracted. This is kind of random, but im wondering when Shawn decided he wasn’t going to be a cop like his dad. Like what was his tipping point. I always thought it was after his mom left because she said when she left she thought he would be okay, which to me meant that he had his path set. Now, because of how he didnt seem to care for school at all and was already off doing his own adventures (becoming part of the janitors society to get keys presumably for some reason) he was already aimless. Maddie was either delusional or Shawn lied to her? Idk im over thinking this silly cop show.

Now, the box of cop cars is not unexpected. We know who henry is. But this little bit actually tells us that Maddie never bought him other cars?? If I’m Maddie, and my husband is training my kid to become something i must have noticed he didn’t want to be because I’m a psychologist, I’m going to say something! Idk, maybe part of the reason they divorced was because of how henry was with Shawn, but then why would she leave him behind and think he was okay? So, i guess, i don’t understand why Maddie wouldn’t have pushed back. Why wouldn’t she buy shawn other toy cars for him to play with to provide choices for him. There is the possibility that shawn never told her that henrys training made him miserable because they were already fighting and didn’t want to give them another reason. Again, over thinking.

Some smaller notes:

-low blow for Gus to straight up tell Shawn no one had any expectations for him. Like i get he’s having a quarter life crisis or whatever, but, all the same, rude.

-that prom queen was Serinda Swan who was in a show called breakout kings with our own Mary Lightly aka Jimmi Simpson :)

-my favorite thing about carlton is that he’s a good head detective and yet has absolutely the worst instincts around. Like true south all the time.

P.S

“What does every great john hughes movie have? A love triangle!” Omg i just now saw what they did there and now i feel like an idiot lol

[alexaloraetheris]

I juat remembered the day, about two months ago, when I went to renew my perscription and ended up derailed by some kind of divine influence that really, really wanted my help. 😂

So I have an appointment at 9. First thing I do is sleep in because my alarm simply did not ring. First time that happened. I cursed out the damn phone and ordered a taxi, which I had specifically hoping to avoid because of the traffic congestion.

My driver is a woman a bit older than me, and she's in a good mood so we chat. She told me she was thinking of moving to [city on the coast] because taxi drivers are paid better there, and I tell her I have family there, we comment on what it's like to drive in a city essentially built into three hills and a cliff. She mentiones she has scoliosis, and it sometimes impacts her ability to sit in a car for long periods of time. I had scoliosis as well, but I had managed to fix it with exercises almost completely so I recommended my physical therapist, and assured her it's not too late, because some of the people in my therapy group were even older than her. When she let me off she thanked me for the help.

Feeling good that, even if I had to pay out the nose for the ride, I got there in time and even managed to do a good deed. I rush in, tell the reception guy I'm here to see my doctor and settle in to wait.

Two hours later, I see people being called in but not my name. I ask why, and doctor looks at me blankly and says I'm not in the system. I have to tell the reception I've arrived so I show up on his schedule.

I'm mentally cursing out the entire hospital, but I wasn't raised by wolves. I thank the doctor, politely tell the different receptionist that the last guy probably didn't hear me when I told him my appointment, got added in and went back to wait.

Ten minutes later, a visibly nervous girl with freshly printed papers sits in the waiting room. I'm in a bit of a mood, but I'm also a firm believer in helping if I can. I paste on a smile and ask 'First time?' and she admits she just got sent here for a potential ADHD diagnosis and she had no idea what to do. Having been there and knowing exactly how hard it was to do it on your own, I gave her the number of the psychologist who made my diagnosis, assured her that the psychiatrist she was here to see is the same one I have and that he's a good guy, explained what ADHD actually was and how the meds work. She was neraly crying with relief by the time I was done, and I promised she could send me questions if she needs to.

I finally, finally go in for my appointment in a slightly better mood, only for my psychiatrist to tell me Concerta is no longer imported, I have to go on some other meds and for that I need my family doctor to sign off on a regular perscription instead of getting an Rx perscription from him.

This is the worst case scenario, because I do NOT want my mother, who thinks ADHD was invented by quack American psychologists to sell expensive meds to parents with unruly children, to know I have ADHD. So I mentally curse out the entire healthcare system, go to the family doctor and explain the situation, that my mother absolutely CANNOT know about my diagnosis. Even though the doctor was not aware of my diagnosis so far, she listens attentively, and we make sure that my mom can't check the insurance we're both under to see what meds I'm on or that if she checks my name in the pharmacy directory she can't see me either.

I thought I handled that situation rather well but I must have looked more worried than I thought, because the doctor admitted her high-school age granddaughter had been asking questions about psychologists and antidepressants and she had so far been dismissive. But if she really needs help, she might do the same thing I did and seek help on her own, and my doctor realized she ought to either change her attitude fast or be left in the dark while her granddaughter is struggling. So I told her which psychologist I went to when I was also a depressed high schooler and how it helped and what I would have wanted my family to keep in mind. She thanks me and hands me a new perscription and sends me on my way.

So by now I am starting to notice a pattern.

Now, I'm actually an atheist, and I have 'Culturally Catholic' as a flaw and a laundry list of Stuff(TM) I have had to unlearn, but sometimes I really wonder if Someone Up There looked at me that day and thought:

"Hmm, looks like I have three problems I can solve with one well-positioned dumbass. Time to ruin her day for the good of the world!"

I mean. Happy to help but I really hope ruining my day won't be necessary next time.

[happykinzz]

random marble hornets headcanons i need to share

Amy worked at a beauty boutique and specialized specifically in hair and makeup

She was also one of those super nice girls that would always compliment her clients and boost their confidence, :))

I know it's canon that Tim worked construction, but I do think at one point (either pre or post mh), he worked at a Home Depot or Ace Hardware for a long time.

Speaking of canon Tim facts , since he liked photography I think he specifically liked to take photos of sunsets, monuments, and those weird copper statues of children playing that you find on the street.

Brian played baseball in High School and was pretty good at it

He was so good at it he could've gone pro, but didn't cause his heart wasn't really in it (his parents made him do it in the first place)

Since Brian was a psychology major, I think if he ever graduated he would've become a child psychologist or an EMT

I know you need a lot more than a psychology degree to become an EMT but I just think that job just suits him

Brian also hikes a lot, and takes many photos of the plants and critters he finds along the way

He had a blog that documented all his findings, and always mentioned facts he found about the plants and animals he discovered

Whenever Brian and Tim hang out they like to either watch shitty horror flicks or shitty reality TV ( TLC, Maury, Dr Phil, Real Housewives, etc )

They both like to annoy Alex with their shows cause they know Alex thinks they're all stupid and are "mindless programming"

Alex's mom and Amy got along really well

Speaking of Moms

After Tim's mom abandoned him, she went on to become one of those "Lolcows" that constantly go on Instagram Live and argue with the "trolls" that are being mean to her

She's one of those people that believe that essential oils can cure every terminal illness ever and scams a lot of people with Go-Fund Me's and MLM scams she tries to sell

When people find out she basically left her kid to rot in a mental institution for the rest of his life it becomes a big thing and everyone on the internet is talking about her (karmas a bitch)

Nobody is actually able to get in contact with the actual kid though (Tim wants nothing to do with the situation, leave my man ALONE)

Brian had a lot of younger siblings that he always got a bunch of gifts for whenever he came home for holidays

[sophieinwonderland]

r/FakeDisorderCringe doesn't know what biblical canon is, atheists are offended by saying God is plural, and other people casually throwing out some blasphemies and ableism!

👎

For uncreative title.

Atheists Pretending To Be Deeply Offended...

So, let me guess, you're not actually Christian are you?

Those guys sure aren't.

So weird how people pretend to be offended over a religion they aren't even a part of.

(Let's be real though, that's most of the tulpa discourse.)

Oh... you considered converting.

That clearly gives you a say in this conversation. /s

Meanwhile, my host actually lived the religion. He was Christian through his teenage years, and as a child helped his mom teach Sunday School and went to sleep every night on a Noah's Ark pillow.

Sorry, I distracted from your point. We're thieves stealing from a religion. 🙄

Okay, let's talk "canon!"

I just... I LOVE this whole conversation! 🤣

THIS is actual cringe.

Does anyone see the issue here?

I'll let u/AdSuccessful3533 spell it out. Possibly the only person with sense in the thread.

It's not just Catholic Canon either, but Biblical Canon! Like, there's a whole Wikipedia article on it!

The sheer self-righteous ignorance of r/Fakerdisordercringe (and r/systemscringe) never ceases to amaze me.

All of these people so bent out of shape over the use of "canon" to describe biblical text as if that's not been in use for hundreds of years!

"Something a middle schooler would say."

The Heresies!

That's correct. This is NOT the modalism heresy.

Modalism suggests God is a single unified being who reveals himself in different forms. God being plural would mean that God is three beings in one. This is completely in-line with the views of Trinitarianism.

An example of the modalism heresy would be more like this...

Comparing God to Optimus Prime, arguing that they're just different forms like Optimus Prime in a truck form vs him in a robot form, is modalism.

But if modalism isn't enough, we've got some tritheism too!

Besides the tritheism... it's really hard to take people who are calling tulpas appropriative seriously when they don't even know basic facts about the most popular religion in the world.

Also, the part about System not being a term for a person with DID is technically correct. System is, rather, the term used for the total collection of all the alters. But it is very much a term used by psychologists and it's accurate to refer to the Trinity as a system in this way.

Also, if the Tritheism bothers you, don't worry! We're going to go right back to modalism.

The H2O metaphor is controversial for the same reason as comparing God to Optimus Prime. It suggests God is simply changing form to become these different things.

Miscellaneous

Can you show me that rabbit hole?

I'm the one who Tweeted that, and have NEVER been on the OSDD sub.

Who do you think I am?

No... it definitely doesn't sound right. Religion shouldn't just be a thing for neurotypicals.

If one believes in God, then surely God made all people, including those of us who have mental illnesses. Why should Christianity and biblical references be kept away from people with mental illness other than ableism?

I mean, if by in peace, you mean without endogenic systems, then no. You can't.

We're here and we aren't going away. Ever.

And we exist in all spaces, including in your churches and your religious communities. And Christian systems shouldn't be expected to hide who they are because our existence bothers bigots like you.

We're going to share this world, and we're going to share spaces. And that includes churches and religious spaces too. Deal with it. 🤷‍♀️

Acknowledgements:

I would like to thank everyone at r/fakedisordercringe for giving me the free material. For a subreddit that's designed to laugh at people for supposed "cringe," you all sure are a goldmine for it! 😜

[zyonsay]

Yall are gonna be hearing some premium swiss german in my new joost series. Like full on bernese. Maybe some Zurich dialect too if i can find the masochism within to do that to myself.

Also another lil spoiler: i‘ll be projecting a lot onto the reader, specifically the problems i had growing up in a country where i was always seen as a foreigner even though i was born here.

(Rant/vent)

No matter how well i speak the language, no matter how much i try to integrate, i‘ll always be a foreigner. I‘ll always get stereotyped no matter if its the psychologists office, the classroom in my ‚inclusive and tight knit‘ school or even in church.

I‘ve had an identity crisis all my life. I learnt german as a first language because my mom didnt want me to struggle with language in school. But i never learnt the language the rest of my entire family speaks, Portuguese. I didnt fit in with the swiss kids, since they were all ‚real‘ swiss people and i didnt even have swiss citizenship. I didnt fit in with the portuguese kids because they all thought i was a ‚fake‘ portuguese because i dont speak the language.

My family hates me for not speaking their language and i hate myself for it too. Im grateful i never struggled with german, im actually very good at it, but i wish i wouldve been gifted the culture and tongue of my family.

I know it sounds simple ‚ohh, just learn it tf‘ but its more difficult than that. Firstly, im already learning 3 languages at school, plus dutch which i picked up because its quite easy to learn for swiss speakers.

I dont want to learn it like another duolingo course, but i want to speak it as my mothers tongue. I want the dialect the people from my hometown have, i want to know the slang that the boys playing football on the big sandy field next to my grandmas house use. I want to be fluent and find other portuguese people here in switzerland and be like „fala português??“

I want the community, i want the solidarity. For once i dont want to be the foreigner.

[princess-lvcifer]

vent about depression and blah blah blahhh

After talking to my psychologist yesterday I spoke to my mother and told her how bad I really am because of personal things that happened to me at the end of the summer, and my physical health problems that don't help (I'm having a flare of ulcerative colitis right now). The worst thing is the apathy (when I feel nothing I usually come back to my older fandoms, especially Pokémon as a coping mechanism because it's something really important to me that has seen me grow and has a lot of content so it's easy to distract myself). I've literally overcome worse things (both physically and mentally) and luckily I'm a very mentally strong girl with a mother who understands and respects what I'm going through, and I think the rest of my family will do the same when I dare to open up. I feel bad for wasting my aunt's money (even though I literally didn't asked her to assign me, she assigned me in driver's school literally without warning nor asking exactly a year ago) but for this very reason I don't think I will take the car licence test, or at least neither I nor any of my family members expect me to pass it if I do it. Even writing fanfics and watching shows or going out, that are things that I love, are exhausting right now, so no, I can't even think about studying something I dislike... I told her that I feel like I'm perceived as lazy and I feel bad for not being productive but she told me that it's okay and normal how I'm feeling and that she only wants me to be healthy and happy, that she knows how stress and sadness affects my stomach. I have the best mom in the entire world.

[the-sonic-crew]

It did take me forever to actually send that ngl (the social anxiety thing) im actually shaking rn so my spelling may be a bit off, but i am able to send things to people when im slightly comfortable most of the time depending what i write i immediately regret it, it sucks and yes my mom is not a doctor though she tries she never does research.

She says she researched my adhd but i assume only the rough surface of it, but thats fine ig

But yes i remember in my first year of high school i was so nervous it was like pretty much during covid but we were aloud back into school with a certain protocol i remember this vividly because i remember feeling so bad for my group members, i was so nervous and everything but when it came to my turn to present i had the papers in my hand and i shook and stuttered so bad i almost cried and you could actually hear the paper almost rip, someone has to take over luckily for me my teacher was the best so supportive she was my tnt/advisory or whatever you call them teachers you need to visit everyday for atleast 20 minutes before a class, but she told me i didn’t need to present alone by myself even though i didn’t say i word that day or anything.

If i do get comfortable with someone i become the biggest CHATTER BOX in the world and honestly im surprised people stayed friends with me, i did take drama class and let me just say that did help me slightly but thats mostly because i had friends with me to help me out in the class pretty sure i would have broke in that class all by myself…

Anyways sorry about the rant it will be hard to speak up about this to my mom but i will definitely try i saw that shadow also has social anxiety, how do you deal with it shads?

Shaking so badly rn haha, but bad shaking does also run in my family so topping that with my social anxiety is probably bad, its the reason i learned to be so gentle with things and it makes my family have to remind me with certain things that I don’t need to be gentle

Damn i realized i wrote a lot sorry about that little rant of mine

Please, it's not a problem.

I'm still proud of you for being able to send us a message in the first place.

Have you considered the possibility you may have selective mutism?

I'm no psychiatrist/psychologist but it sounds like it could be a possibility.

Selective mutism is essentially where you cannot speak in public/when your uncomfortable, but can speak when you're comfortable and at ease.

It's just something I'd look into.

Anyways, I understand it's hard but I sincerely believe talking to your mother and/or having a trusted adult talk to her for you would be a very good choice.

But I also understand it's difficult, Sonic hasn't social anxiety a day in his life, he wouldn't understand how you feel, but I do and I know how difficult it is.

Please take care, and feel free to send us a message anytime.

[queerprayers]

hi johanna! i want to try going to church, but feel self-conscious. i live in a small town, my friends are not religious and my family is ex-christian. i'm worried about people judging me, even though i know that shouldn't matter. some of my family seem embarrassed of how christian we used to be and they'd be surprised i want to go to church. i feel equally worried about walking into a church where everyone knows everyone but me or seeing someone i know! any thoughts are welcome. love your blog!

Hello, beloved!

I'm sure you're not alone in this situation—honestly, it can be kinda embarrassing to genuinely want to participate in faith, the way it's embarrassing to be earnest about anything. People who aren't religious can completely misunderstand the motivations and experiences of religious people, and while I don't know why your family left religion, both people who just weren't all that into it and people who have been hurt by or have serious issues with the church can be (sometimes understandably) antagonistic toward people who stay or join. 

Perhaps judgment "shouldn't" matter—but it does, to most everyone. Something something how our brains are wired to desire acceptance—I'm not a psychologist. It makes sense and it's okay. Caring what people think often coexists with empathy—they're both awareness of others, desiring good emotions in others. But we cannot let empathy become fear of ourselves. Empathy extends to our own souls too. Being genuinely faithful in the face of judgment from outside and within your communities takes strength. Creating a life of your own is terrifying. This isn't fair, but it is our calling. 

In recent years, I've embraced the uncool-ness of my earnestness—my beloved amalgam of philosophy and religion that started as an apocalyptic cult and was co-opted by empire and has a lot of weirdos and needs to repent of its crimes and has produced some of the most beautiful art in the world and that attracts people to the walls of churches even after everything. I'm almost glad in some ways that it's not the assumption anymore that everyone is Christian, that more and more you have to go out of your way to be part of this thing. (I'm not completely naive—I know that where I live is a majority Christian country, and I am not pretending oppression or minority status or counterculture. But I am often met with surprise that I'm Christian, and I treasure that.)

The small town thing is its own beast—I live in a city (small but I think it counts), but I currently go to church half an hour away in a very rural area, and there's a specific environment of knowing everyone that I only have a tiny experience with but can imagine how exposed it must feel to try something new or change your life in any small way. And there is definitely a small church culture that can feel intimidating, like sitting at a new table in high school, wondering if somewhere tight knit has room for another. I can never promise this, but I know with my church and many others, welcoming a new person into that tight knit community is the most natural thing in the world. You'll probably get a more personal welcome, and be invited to more potlucks, and I can't promise someone there won't know your mom, but it's doable even as an introvert. Church people want more people at church—in lovely communal ways or in evangelistic ways, and while I hope you meet the former, even the latter has its own welcome. There are definitely ways to dip your toes in the water of church without braving this—like visiting a church while you're out of town, or tuning into a virtual service—but I believe in you to take it a step further. If you come a few minutes late and leave a few minutes early to avoid any conversation, I salute you. If you see someone you know and flee the other direction, I understand. If you go once and have to wait a few months to be brave enough to go back, so be it. But you have as much a right to exist on holy ground as anyone, and you already have common ground to stand on because you want to be there, just like them. I don't know how many churches are near you, but you're already going outside your comfort zone, so you might as well step into one that you're not familiar with—a more traditional mass, or a hippie sing-along. Don't set limits on your journey that is about pushing past limits.

You want to try this out, and it probably feels lonely, and you'll have to stomach surprise and probably being looked down upon by people who feel they know better, feel they have evolved past the need for silly little ritual, or for whom religion only exists as closed-mindedness. I don't know if you're queer, but I've had similar experiences of being the one to embrace where God and my heart lead me, to the embarrassment or shame of those who have never encountered it or have stifled it within themselves.  You'll have to stand your ground, the way anyone who seeks something their family and friends don't has to do. Formulate some answers for questions you may receive—but no one has a right to your story. You're allowed to be casual about things that are deeply personal, you can say "I don't know, I was just curious" when everything in your soul is calling out for this. Being publicly faithful often comes after you've done the reconciling within yourself. Have patience.

If you're into saints, find some who have gone their own way—Francis of Assisi comes to mind. I even think of Moses, telling a member of his own adoptive family to let his people go, standing his ground for people he had only recently come to love. The faithful that have come before us had to live through—and die from—so much. Entering new communities has always needed strength, the strength of God. Often a lonely way at first, but your family's embarrassment or your friends' lack of understanding is not your burden. Their judgment is on them to swallow down or bear the guilt of acting on it. Your choices and calling is for them to reconcile. I'm not saying we should do whatever we want without regard for how it affects others, but you are not causing harm, and any tension will not have been created by you going to church, but by them disliking or not understanding this fact. And tension is sometimes necessary for people to reconcile with—it'll be good for them. You're probably doing them a favor—we all need to learn how to love people the way they will need to. It sucks to feel like a teaching tool, and I don't want to reduce you to that, but so often living a full life means people who can't deal with that have to learn. Looking at someone embracing what you never found a way to flourish within or understand is like looking at the sun sometimes—I've been there. But it is not for us to apologize for the light. And it often happens that being that light will move someone else to bravery.

I'm sorry it falls on you to be brave first. I'm sorry that religion is not simple or easy, but genuine desire can and will take you so far. I have a hunch that after the first time, a lot of things will make more sense. Beginning is half of the journey sometimes. If you've already begun since writing this, I'm very proud of you, and if you haven't, you have so much beautiful time. Faith is not all or nothing, and it is never too late. Life does not begin and end in your small town, and life can and will flourish—you are part of such a big world and history, for better and worse.

God is with you, regardless. God is right there, walking with you, moving your feet over the threshold of places you muster so much bravery just to enter. What shouldn't matter but does, deeply, heartbreakingly, can be both taken seriously and let go of, through the peace of Christ.

<3 Johanna

[justanotherjaydrawing]

Long post of headcanons incoming. (mostly SakuAtsu but shh) (CW for ableism and brief discussion of homophobia? Probably not necessary but better safe than sorry)

- Sakusa has EDS (specifically hEDS)

- ^^ he has thin and stretchy skin (and visible veins)

- ^ might have been self-conscious about that when younger (but Atsumu loves tracing all his veins so he’s less self-conscious about it these days)

- Ushijima was his first crush, though I don’t think it is that deep necessarily, but more that Sakusa finally saw another boy who cared about hygiene and was like thank fuck I’m not gonna be stuck with the gross boys I’m surrounded by, there’s a chance for me lmao

- ^ connected to that, I do think that Sakusa is only attracted to men and found it very distressing, not for homophobic reasons but simply because women are usually cleaner and the idea of dating someone who doesn’t wash their hands after peeing horrified him lol

- Lots of his joints are prone to dislocation or subluxation. Specifically his shoulders and knees.

- he used to avoid carrying heavy things with his left arm because it would just pop out of the socket.

- Sakusa grew up in a very ableist household. Rich parents insisting on having perfect children resulted in Sakusa pushing through a lot more than he should have

- a doctor suggested he was autistic and his parents asked if it could be ‘fixed’. When the doctor said no, they just claimed he wasn’t autistic and moved on.

- Sakusa didn’t address any of his mental health issues until his second year of university. He only realised because he was talking to his doctor about his symptoms, worried it was some underlying disease, only to be told it was anxiety and suggested to see a psychologist

- Sakusa almost didn’t see a psychologist, but ended up doing it out of rebellion against his parents.

- Rebel. Take care of yourself. I believe in you.

- It took him a long time to get confident enough about his disability to tell Komori that saying things like “its usually just in his head” is a pretty shitty thing to say to someone who has chronic joint issues. Komori is super apologetic because he hadn’t realised he was belittling Sakusa’s problems.

- Komori feels super guilty about it and ends up going down a rabbit hole of disability rights research and makes sure to speak up against ableism at every chance he gets. (not me, wishing for a Komori in my life lmao let me have this)

- Sakusa is very popular among the girls while in school, partly due to the fact he doesn’t hit on them but also they find him hilarious when he rags on the other boys in their classes.

- In university Sakusa and Yachi become friends

- idk who came up with the idea of Sakusa and Yachi being besties but I have seen it in so many fics and it honestly is the greatest thing to me and I adore it so fucking much. I love Yachi and her ability to befriend the grumpiest men.

- It has been said before, it will be said again. The Miya twin’s have a single mom. Honestly, this is just canon to me.

- I am leaning to thinking their dad just fucked off and was a complete deadbeat. The twins seem to have the sort of underlying rage that comes with being let down by father figure.

- They are both major mama’s boys.

- Atsumu gets irrationally upset about yo mama jokes. It doesn’t matter that he understands it is just a joke format, the idea of someone being mean to his mama makes him wanna throw hands

- this has been said before, but Osamu’s love of cooking came from helping out his mom in the kitchen as a kid

- later on this translated into him cooking for his mom when he was old enough to cook on his own. He loves taking care of people by feeding them. He loves that food can be a way to communicate and show love to people.

- The twins would join their mom for pamper nights

- this almost certainly started with their mom being like “I just need some me time” and Atsumu being like “ok but can I join?” “But Atsu, we’re gonna wear sticky gooey face masks~ and watch gross romance movies~” “...ok but can we have popcorn too?” “… yeah we can have popcorn.” so it turned from me time to Miya time lol

- Osamu sometimes joins but not always

- the twins have seen all the twilight movies so many times they could quote it from memory

- they quote it to each other as an inside joke but they are respectful when watching it with their mom because it is her favourite movie series.

- The Twins have very good hygiene routines due to being raised by their single mom.

- this does not translate to eating politely though.

- they do both have very good skin care routines though since their mom helped them sort it out

- Osamu is more lax about it because he doesn’t really care.

- Atsumu finds it soothing though

- Atsumu is weirdly good at “girl talk” because their mom started dating again once they were in high school, but she didn’t like keeping it hidden so she would come back from dates and just gossip about it with the boys. Osamu just listens quietly, but Atsumu loves ragging on the men if they don’t meet their standards lol

- I don’t think Atsumu would ever be in the closet really. This is based off of him not caring if people like him, but I think once he figured out his family would care he just wouldn’t feel the need to hide it. He would get in fights because of it and he had terrible survival instincts with it all, but he isn’t one to hide who he is (even in situations where it might be safer to do so).

- I don’t remember who said this but it is canon to me, Atsumu is hard of hearing. I hadn’t even considered it until I saw someone post about it and I can’t remember who it is OP I am so sorry, you changed my life and I don’t even know your name!!

- but hard of hearing Atsumu makes so much sense to me. Him being “too loud”, him being so attached to Osamu (probably due to having trouble communicating people when he was younger and feeling like Osamu was the only one who was on his side)

- this is just a reminder to me that I should draw him with hearing aids

anyway this is too much information and my head is still bleary with sleep so like if it doesn’t make sense im sorry lmao but I wanted to share my thoughts because I have too many and I am obsessed with these dumbasses.

also I said this is sakuatsu but really it is just Sakusa and Atsumu, not much about their relationship lol my bad

[sleepyking]

I’d like to preface this by saying I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST. I’m a thirteen-year-old who has an interest in psychology and wanted to give this a try. And even though I consulted my mom, who is a licensed therapist with a degree in psychology, for some of this, and that I’ve done a shit ton of extensive research, still remember that this is just a hobby of mine, not a profession.

Also, color key:

Mal

Maleficent

Me(may also be bold if in a paragraph with another blue character)

Evie

Jay

Carlos

Hades

Freddie

With that out of the way, welcome to Psyhologically Analyzing Fictional Characters Part One: Mal[Descendants], brought to you by King and approximately four days of no sleep.

I’m going to split this up into sections: overall personality, motivations, backstory/personal history, desires, fears, moments from the books and movies that point to PTSD, and a look at some of her relationships(in no particular order).

And it’s all under the cut<3

OVERALL PERSONALITY

Mal’s character is honestly one of my favorites, even if just from the standpoint of breaking down everything that causes her to be how she is.

The wiki describes her as a “sneaky, smart, ruthless girl who was raised to be a leader.”

This is true–she is sneaky, she is smart, and she was raised to be a leader. Ruthless, however, is how she was at the beginning of the first movie. By the end of Descendants, she’s changed.

The wiki also mentions that she doesn’t want to appear weak, which I feel is one of the most accurate lines in the entire personality section of her wiki.

HISTORY

Mal was born and raised by Maleficent on the Isle of the Lost. On their own, those two things are terrible enough, but combined, they’re even worse.

She was also raised not knowing who her father was or what happened to him and why he wasn’t in her life, but we’ll get to that later. (Editing King here: I never actually get to that later)

She attended Dragon Hall, the school on the Isle, and, even though I’ve never read the books(sorry), I get the feeling that whoever taught there wasn’t the nicest and probably had unconventional methods of punishment.

Now, it’s no secret that Maleficent is evil–it’s literally the entire point of the movie(how she’s the “worst of them all”).

So, saying that she’s probably abusive isn’t that much of a stretch, even though I really wish it was because nobody deserves to go through life being abused by someone who’s supposed to protect and take care of them.

MOTIVATIONS

Motivation is a big part of a character, and can help you understand everything that they do.

As I said before, Mal doesn’t want to appear weak, especially to her mother, which gives us our first motivation.

Another thing that I’d like to mention is that Mal is protective of her friends.

And, from someone who’s extremely brotherly and protective of pretty much everyone, I understand a lot of what she does from the standpoint of how can I keep them safe?

Because, think about it: if Mal fails her mother, there’s more than one way of punishing her. There’s more than one way to keep her in line.

Physical punishments, even though they’re terrible, can get to a point where they aren’t as effective–the more of something that you experience, the higher your tolerance to it will be.

But emotional attachments? Those can be exploited in any way, shape, or form, and they’ll always work. If you care about someone, you’ll do what’s necessary to keep them safe. You can’t build a tolerance to something like threats if they’re aimed at other people.

DESIRES/GOALS

Desires and fears play a huge part in a story, and Descendants is no exception.

Throughout the first movie, Mal’s desires were mostly the same; at the beginning, it was to prove herself to her mother and to keep her friends safe(the latter never really changes). When they get to Auradon, it’s to steal the wand. As the story progresses, however, she becomes less and less sure of what she wants(as shown in If Only). By the end of the first movie, her desires have changed–she wants to stay in Auradon, she wants to be good, she wants to choose her own life.

In the second movie, she’s unsure, she doesn’t know what she wants anymore. She’s not used to anything in her new life–people are nice to her, she can do what she wants, she’s free of her mother.

But you can’t change your past, and you can’t work through trauma in a couple of days.

Even in the third movie, she’s not completely sure what she wants–she’s torn between what her heart says, and what her brain says. And after a lifetime of ignoring her heart and listening to her brain, what do you expect for her to do?

FEARS

The big one; her mother.

Mal is terrified of Maleficent, and we see this in the movies and in the books—they even explicitly say in the books that she’s scared of her mother.

Another one is not being enough. This isn’t said in any Descendants media(to my knowledge), but it is implied.

RELATIONSHIPS

Evie is like Mal’s older sister—honestly, she’s basically the older sister/“mom” of the Core Four. She takes care of everyone, and she keeps them (relatively) out of trouble when they’re in Auradon.

She’s the daughter of the Evil Queen, so, of course, she cares a lot about appearances(an example being in the second book when she gets goosebumps and her first thought is “That had to stop. Pebbly skin was so not attractive,” which I’ll talk about more when I get to Evie’s character analysis).

Jay is the protector of the group in a way—he’s the strongest, and he’s really protective of the others.

His relationship with Mal is actually one of my favorites, it’s SO SWEET(“when it came down to Mal, she was like a sister,”)

If Evie is the mom, he’s the dad(platonically).

If Evie is the older sister, Jay is the middle child—older than Mal and Carlos, younger than Evie.

Carlos is the baby brother, and he’s the most emotional of the four(he’s also the smartest!).

Mal’s relationship with him is special to me. Mal is kind of like the opposite of Carlos—she doesn’t know how to deal with her emotions, so she hides them, she locks them up and throws away the key. Carlos, on the other hand, accepts his emotions, he feels them.

BOOK/MOVIE SCENES

“For her mother was the great Maleficent, Mistress of Darkness, the most powerful and wicked fairy in the world and the most fearsome villain in all the land.” This speaks for itself.

“You know how much you are a disappointment to me,” This right here? This is verbal abuse.

“You didn't get to be number one by being merciful, or even reasonable.” No, no you don’t, not in the villain world. And if Maleficent wasn’t merciful to anyone, why would she make an exception for her daughter?

“It wasn't only Mal who could see her mother's hand in every stone around them. The carved creatures sneered in exactly the same way Maleficent did, their teeth pointed, their mouths cruel. Mal looked at them, frozen. Then Carlos realized it was because she was paralyzed by fear.” Mal is terrified. She sees things that remind her of her mother, and she freezes in place.

Not to mention that Maleficent literally calls her daughter a servant.

Now, onto book two:

“Out of habit, she looked over her shoulder at the door to Maleficent’s prison. Until recently, Mal had only felt the ground rumble like that when a great big dragon stomped around during the Coronation attack, so Mal couldn’t help but associate earthquakes with her mother.” Victims of abuse learn to associate certain things with punishment, and this is no different.

“Mal could think of a few M’s in her life, but there was only one M that mattered the most. The big one. Maleficent.” Pretty self explanatory in my opinion.

“In other words, darker than anything her friends at Auradon Prep could imagine…” The Isle is a terrible place—the exact opposite of Auradon. The AKs grew up practically spoiled, so they wouldn’t know how to last in that kind of world.

“When she was a little girl, Mal had been very terrified of her mother.”

“She was more the fearsome mistress that sent you on hopeless quests—like the one to retrieve her Dragon’s Eye scepter—and she didn’t take no for an answer.” The dictionary defines the word mistress as a few things. The ones that are most relevant for the point I’m trying to make are these: a woman in a position of authority or control. Sounds like Maleficent. A female head of household. Yep. And the one that sounds the worst in this context but I can’t rule out; the female owner of a dog, cat, or other domesticated animal.

Why am I so dark-

“Someone was skulking outside the door when Mal walked out, and she immediately tensed, prepared for an ambush.” Honestly, this one speaks for itself.

“You know if she ever gets out of there, she’ll come after you first.” That’s a pretty interesting choice of words there, Freddie, almost sounds as if Maleficent is gonna attack her own daughter…OH WAIT, THATS RIGHT-

I haven’t read the third book yet(nor have I finished the second one, sorry) but I will update when I do!

(Also, I’d like to point out that when Fairy Godmother raises her arms when welcoming the core four to Auradon, Mal flinches. Think of this as you like.)

[snowynightlight]

hi hello!

Small update: I'm still dealing with a lot of school-related stuff. I've been busy with a lot of personal things during these few weeks. I need to book so many appointments since my college requires a few of them. I have to see a psychologist to get my papers updated and book an English assignment since my college requires it. Still having a hard time focusing (I always struggled with it, but since starting my meds, it has gotten worse. Working memory issues man :’) ).

I also took my other meds since it got bad at one point in the last few weeks. It worked and wow it knocked me out for a good 6-12 hours. Rare occasions, though. Getting back into hiking or spending time outside more. I feel less brain fog and been able to get back into it slowly besides the other half! I also noticed idgaf about most things anymore since taking my meds. I used to spiral over the smallest things and overthink it. Also, I complained a lot (I complained so much here at one point) before, and now I really don’t, my mom pointed this out to me. Nowadays , I’m like eh it’s fine and move on. Less irritable as well. One weird side effect is that I've had vivid dreams since starting this medication. I wake up every morning and question how that happened in each dream. I’m not concerned but confused about how that happens. Feeling way less paranoid anymore. Overall, I feel like myself again after so many months (or years, to an extent), and I honestly miss this state of mind.

I’ll be back around Mayish or June, even when everything settles down. I need to get my stuff together before August. I have a lot of side projects on the back burner since everything lately (learning Linux, messing around with touch designer, and more). I’m a bit tired and still listening to an unhealthy amount of ambient music and IDM besides the 3 same artists. Been talking to friends in my classes and working together. One of them we had 10 minutes to work on a presentation before presenting it. That was fun (we were losing it), and we didn’t even present it since there wasn’t any time left. Which was interesting, besides the panicking over a software :’)

Here's a photo of a candle I've gotten over the last few weeks. Getting better at low-light photography :P

TLDR: still dealing with that but I feel better a bit !! Still lurking though <3

[alaskan-wallflower]

100% agree with your ED post, considering how he makes dramatic changes to himself whenever he feels there is something wrong with him, like World Wide Privacy Tour, where he tried to change himself from clothes to personality to make appear more laid back (or mentally stronger in his words) when he felt his friends didn’t like those aspects about him in the episode, so it would make sense if he felt there was something wrong with his weight, that he would do everything he felt would make it idle in his eyes (though unfortunately a lot with ed’s don’t ever see that :( )

Also when you said he would be scared of not maintaining his body even after he was more satisfied with it, I honestly felt that, as someone who was chubby as a kid and criticised for it, then lost a lot of weight as a teenager, I was also scared of gaining weight again so I would also skip meals if I felt I didn't eat right (along with other stuff).

(also, sorry for being so venty over here and dumping this information about myself on you, what you said was just really relatable to me)

Anyway, I love your takes and I hope you have a lovely day!

tw: eating disorder

hey. you’re okay. i hope you’re doing better now, first of all. second of all; i kinda based it off of my own experiences too where i was afraid of not being able to maintain a “perfect” body. to the point i resorted to some things too. so i did kinda base it off my own experiences and i also like to do my research before making such a bold(?) take because i like to make it as accurate as possible. but yeah. i have seen some fics where people portray kyle as someone who would be obsessed with his appearance and in some more desperate measures, he takes really bold action, in a way.

i do kinda think that it stemmed from his middle school days. i headcanon that kyle was really thin? like he just ended up being really tall and lanky with no visible muscle mass (not discrediting him because he was strong but looking at him you wouldn’t know it? so at first he wanted to gain weight so he didn’t look so thin. so in the beginning it was a lot of binging. and then when he finally stopped growing and he did gain weight he was thrilled. but then he never really saw himself as like ‘oh i’m heavier because of muscle because i exercise’ but more like ‘i’m fat now’ kind of way. i don’t think hanging out with cartman made it easier. i don’t think he would be chubby per se? but looking at pics of him in eighth grade cs pics of him in say the end of freshman year he was noticably kinda heavier? not chubby but not like a stick figure either. and sheila also was probably no help. she’s probably load him with the whole ‘oh kyle, you’ve finally got some meat on your bones!’ type comments and eventually he kinda just snapped.

he probably kept some sort of diary and tracked what he was eating. likely in his phone in a locked note so nobody could find it. he honestly probably ended up tracking his calories that he took in vs the calories he burned and he would probably be out late at night if he didn’t seem he had enough exercise. after a while he started skipping meals if he didn’t eat something he seemed healthy. he gets help in the end but he ends up staying like this throughout most of high school. up until graduation i’d argue. eating disorders are no joke; they can last a while. he started getting help in college. he never told his mom. he knew it would break her heart so he just never told her. i also don’t think him being arguably the person with the most presence on social media helps.

it’s another reason i like to headcanons him as a child psychologist in the future. he wants to prevent the things he went through. i know oftentimes stan is seen as the one with the most ‘angst potential’ but looking at kyle it’s pretty clear he has some potential too. it’s honestly probably something i’ll incorporate into future works, like comics and such.

thank you for the lovely wishes. ditto <3

[redflagzsys]

Random ass Vent/Rant abt my mom idk

i've always wanted to do some sort of thing in law enforcement, specifically FBI / BAU since i grew up with Criminal Minds and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, and a bunch of other crime related shows. my mom knows this, and she supports that dream of mine, always has.

we went to the doctors one time for a checkup and i've spoken to school counselors before about how i think i need a therapist due to some of the thoughts i was experiencing, i knew they weren't normal. she gave me 2 sheets of recommendations. at the doctors, my mom brought up to my doctor that "They think they need some therapist or something." so my doctor asked me this question.

"If you just think you need someone to talk to about some issues, then you'll need a psychological. However if you have thoughts about hurting yourself and or others, you'll need a psychiatrist. Which one do you think you need?"

that question made my brain panic for the few seconds it took me to respond. my mom always spoke about how she got scared whenever me or my siblings held dangerous object, and how she's scared one of her kids would try to kill her since she's seen it in her stupid shows.

do i have those violent thoughts? yes. do i want my mom to be scared of me though? no, i don't. i love my mom. so i told the doctor that i needed a psychologist rather than what i actually needed because my mom was in the room with me.

i never got a psychologist because we don't have insurance.

a year passes, we're back in the doctors office, everything is well. the doctor leaves and i turn to my mom and say:

"Y'know how last time I said I needed a psychologist and not a psychiatrist? I lied."

and that was it.

in a car ride the next day, my mom spoke to me about what was said. how basically i cant go and get help for those thoughts because it'll be documented, and i won't be allowed to work in my dream field, and jobs may not want to hire me.

She'd rather me live with these mental problems and work in a field where I have access to weapons, than get help for my problems.

she's always dismissed my mental issues, the first time i tried to talk to her about it, she yelled and complained about "Why can't I just have 4 normal kids?!". All my other siblings have issues, depression, SH, ADHD, some more medical related. so i guess that means i cant have any either because i'm the youngest out of the 4, i dunno. the only things she sees me for is succeeding in school and college and getting a good job that pays well after i graduate. both my parents get upset when i'm not passing a class and always assume it's because of my phone and not the fact that i'm burnt out and stressed. couldn't possibly be!

"Well that's absurd, you must hate your mom for that, right?"

i don't. i still love my mom. she caused my trauma but i still love her because raising 4 kids by herself with all these issues isn't easy and i can sympathize with her on that.

i love my mom, she tried her best.

[speedychildnight]

FOREVER MINE|| JUNGKOOK FF

Tropes:

Childhood love

Cold X Grumpy

Slow burn ❤️‍🔥

Important notice: If you wanna read the whole ff go to Wattpad and read.... The story is on hold but will be published on 15 April...

Let's Start......

Chapter 1

"He is mine. Only mine. Stay away from him. This is the last warning." Said a middle school girl to a group of girls.

???: What are you saying Ynieee, we are still underage.

Girls' Group: Look Jungkook Oppa also don't want you to say that.

Yn: Jungkook!?

Jungkook to Girls' Group: First of all don't call me Oppa. 2nd, don't come near me and 3rd, don't bully her. Let's go Yn.

He grabbed your hand and walked towards the classroom.

You again turn towards them and stick your tongue out then again turn in front.

3 YEARS LATER...

Yn: If I saw it again that any of you were looking at my Kookie or trying to hit on him, I will pull your eyeball. And trust me I am not lying.

Jungkook: YN!! STOP IT!! YOU'RE MAKING SCENE. WE ARE NOW HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS.

He raised his voice.

Yn: Kookie why are you raising your voice at me? I am doing this for your own good.

Jungkook: I don't need that please don't lower my image anymore.

Yn: Jungkook!?

You said it out of disbelief.

And Jungkook knows how emotional you are. And you only call him by his full name only you're upset with him. But it's his nature what he can do.

Yn: Okay I am sorry.

You said to him in a low voice and after that, you heard that the whole class was laughing. So you ran out of the class.

Other hand Jungkook ran his hand through his hair. He thought something for some moment then dashed out of the classroom being worried.

He started searching for you in the whole school but didn't find you anywhere. Then he came to the back garden, cause you like nature a lot. And there he saw you sitting under a tree and sobbing badly.

Jungkook: Yn....

As soon as you heard his voice you rapidly wiped your tears and got up from your place and about to go. But Jungkook is fast enough to hold your hand.

Yn: Jungkook I already said sorry....

Jungkook: No Yn I should say sorry to you. I am sorry.... Here....

He gave you your favourite lollipop while begging for forgiveness.

But unexpectedly you jumped on him and hugged him with a wide smile.

Yn: Thanks Kookie. Okay, you are forgiven.

Jungkook: Thank you Her Highness. Now let's go?

Yn: Yessssssssssss. Let's goooooo.

Jungkook chuckled at your cuteness.

Jungkook: Okay so our last class teacher is absent can we go home early and cuddle?

Yn: Yup. Let's goooooo.

Yeah, you both are neighbours. Both of your family are more than neighbours. Both of you are Korea's top 2 billionaire's son and daughter. They are best friends so you two also became best friends.

You only have Jungkook as a friend and also Jungkook only have you as a friend. So both of you take care of each other. Just you're childish while Jungkook is mature. And also there are no secrets between you.

You always slept together since childhood. Your parents never complained about it even though they like it.

You lost your father 5 years ago whom you loved the most in this whole world. So you went into depression for more than 6 months.

At last, your mom and Jungkook's family went to a psychologist. And with his help, you recovered. He again doesn't wanna you to go into depression again. That's why he cares for you like a flower. Cause he can't see you in pain.

Chapter 2

After some hours....

Jungkook came into your house while your mom was packing things.

Yn/M: Oh Jungkook you came. Thank God. Can you help me dear?

Jungkook: Why are you asking like that Aunty? Just order me.

Your mom smiled a little to see his behaviour.

Yn/M: Okay so you have to take care of a baby. Can you?

Jungkook: Yeah of course I am an expert at taking care of that baby. Don't worry Aunty. Anyway, are you going to the office?

Yn/M: Not in the office. Me and your parents are going to the same destination.

Jungkook: Oh you're also going to Hawaii? Good then. Bye and take care of yourself.

Yn/M: Yes you too and also my Yniee's. Cause only I can trust you.

Jungkook: Rest assured Aunty.

Yn: Gosh do you guys wanna write a noble about me?

Your mom chuckled a bit and then hugged you.

Yn/M: Take care of yourself, baby. I am going okay?

Yn: Till when will you come?

Yn/M: This time I don't know dear. If everything goes well it will be completed in 1 year though our project is really a big one.

Yn: Does that mean there is no way that you can join my graduation ceremony?

Yn/M: I am so sorry dear. I know I am gonna miss a big day of your life. But believe me, I will always be with you. Maybe not physically but mentally.

Yn: I will miss you mumma. After two weeks I am going to graduate from high school. Can you at least video-call me?

Yn/M: Of course dear I will. And you two take care of each other. Get a good university okay?

Yn & Jungkook: Yes!!

???: Yes she is right. Take care of each other and also help each other. We will try to come back soon.

Jungkook's parents came out of nowhere and told them and after that, they left.

[Your mom took over your father's business after your dad died. So she got too busy. But she never forgets to take care of yourself.]

You were hugging Jungkook while sobbing, cause you never lived without your mom before. And he was caressing your back.

Jungkook: It's okay Yn. Don't be sad. They are doing this for us. So we also have to give them a special reward for their hard work.

Yn: What reward?

Jungkook: By getting a chance at a good university. Are you ready?

Yn: Yessssssssssss.

[Both of you are toppers. He is the 1st topper and you're the 2nd topper. No one can catch you both in your studies. Just you're a little weak in math. But with Jungkook's help you get a good grade in math also]

Jungkook: Yn....did you eat something?

Yn: Yes. But I am craving for some snacks now.

Jungkook: Okay let's grab some snacks and go for study.

Yn: Okiee.

You were reading Biology.

Yn: Look Jungkook...

Jungkook: What happened? Where are you stuck?

Yn: Look at the women's breasts. It is also big like mine.

You pointed towards your book's cartoon model. [You all know what is it. I don't think I need to explain it more]

Jungkook: W-what a-are y-you talking about?

Yn: What!! I am serious Jungkook my previous bra's aren't fitting nowadays. I have to change it all. But mom is gone. With whom I will go? Oh gosh.

Jungkook: There are a lot of guards who can drive you to the mall.

Yn: You stupid Kookie. They can't tell me which one fits me well and not. And I also have no friends. What should I do?

Jungkook: Y-you need others to check it for you? Then you can wait until Aunty come.

Yn: But Jungkook you know my boobs are paining for those small bra's.

Jungkook's face became full red by then.

Jungkook: Y-yn enough of study today. I know both of us can crack tomorrow's Bio exam. We need rest now let's sleep.

Yn: Yeah okay. But Jungkook are you having a fever?

Jungkook: No. Why????

Yn: Your face is full red.

Jungkook: Y-yn l-let's sleep.

Yn: Okiee. I couldn't able to sleep for a few days because of an exam. Tomorrow is the last and the easy one so I want cuddles now.

Jungkook: O-okay.

You both went to sleep and you hugged Jungkook tightly. But he was feeling something else.

Jungkook: Yn......

Chapter 3

Jungkook: Yn......

Yn: Hmmm?

Jungkook: Y-you a-aren't w-wearing anything u-under y-your n-night s-su-suit? *stuttering*

Yn: Ofo Kookie how will you understand that my boobs are getting bigger and bigger day by day. I can't control it. Even I decided that I won't wear bra at the house. Only wear it when I will go outside. By the way, you can go with me to buy a bra.

Jungkook started regretting to ask that question. Cause he knew that you tell him every single thing. Even if it's about your body.

Jungkook: Yn you know what I am so sleepy. Let's sleep now?

Yn: Yes. Who asked you to not sleep?

After some seconds...

Yn: Kookie....

You called him but didn't get any response.

Yn: Kookie ~ Koo~ hey are you already asleep?

You pocked his cheek with your index finger.

Jungkook: Nope. Tell me what happened?

Yn: Ummm.... Kookie which University you wanna go?

Jungkook: Of course Seoul National University. It's the best.

Yn: Then let's go there together.

Jungkook: Of course.

Yn: Then let's make a pinky promise that we will go together.

Jungkook: Okay pinky promise.

He held your pinky with his pinky which you held in front of him.

Yn: Okay good night Koo.

Jungkook: Hmm good night.

Yn: Huh!

Jungkook: What happened now?

Yn: I gave you this many Nick names but look at you you never gave me one.

You wiped your invisible tears.

Jungkook: *chuckled* OK ok drama queen I will give you it after getting admission to our dream uni okay?

Yn: Okay...

You hugged him more tightly and slept in his embrace. Jungkook chuckled after seeing your cuteness and then did the same as you.

Next day at school....

Teacher: Students do you think it's our last day together? No dear. Our principal set a new rule from this year.

Students: What is it, teacher?

Teacher: Our principal decided to teach all students for their upcoming college/University entrance exams.

Students: Yay!!!!!!!!

Everyone yelled in joy.

The teacher left.

Yn: Kookie let's go home today early and let's start our study from tomorrow. How's my idea?

Jungkook: Okk. As you wish.

Yn: You know I got 2 new things. No 1 is projector and No 2 is VR. Which one should we use today?

Jungkook: How about both? First, we will play with VR then we will watch a movie while cuddling. How's my idea?

You and Jungkook were laughing at your ideas and the whole class was burning in jealousy.

Suddenly someone came towards your desk.

Random girl: Jungkook Oppa (I don't know why they call him Oppa.) Which college/University you wanna take admission to?

Jungkook: Well, I haven't decided it yet. I will decide with my entrance marks. Thanks for asking.

He told her with an expressionless face and the girl went away.

Yn: Kookie why didn't you tell her?

Jungkook: Cause I don't wanna same drama also in my University.

Yn: But I think you will also gonna become a heartthrob there.

Jungkook: Whatever... I don't wanna be. And think about yourself. You will also become something like that...

Yn:  Okay Kook wait here. I have to use washroom. I will be back soon. Then we will go home. Okiee?

Jungkook: Okay. Go go.

You went from there...

At washroom....

You did your business and were returning to your class but someone pushed you from behind and you fell...

Yn: WTH.....You!?!?

???: Yeah it's mee. Nice to meet you dear.....

Excited.....???? Wanna read more??? Okay I will publish three more chapters here. Then you have to go to Wattpad and read there.

Wattpad ID- @Lil_cutie2005

[thehollowwriter]

Vent

I need to talk to the psychologist again bc last time I nearly blew a blood vessel because she kept insisting that everything my mom acted, well, like herself I must "fall back on my dad so he can deal with situation" NO GOD DAMN IT I DON'T CARE IF HE SAID HE'LL DO SOMETHING HE NEVER DOES. HE JUST GOES "I'LL TALK TO HER" AND THAT DOES FUCK ALL. MY SISTER WND I ARE STILL MAKING BREAKFAST, LUNCH ON DINNER AND GETTING MY BROTHER READY FOR SCHOOL AND BATHING HIM AND HELPING MY DAD EAT AND GO TO THE BATHROOM AND CLEANING THE KITCHEN AND CLEANING MY PARENTS' ROOM AND MAKING MY MOM COFFEE, MEDICINE, FOOD, AND SWEETS AND HELPING MY DAD IN AND OUT OF BED AND CHANGING HIS CLOTHES WHEN HIS CARER ISN'T HERE-

AND YET. AND YET THEY STILL HAVE THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO TELL ME THAT I AM "STILL A CHILD"! DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TELL ME THAT WHEN MOTHER DEAR SPENDS ALL DAY ON HER PHONE OR WATCHING TV AND THREATENING TO NOT TAKE US TO SCHOOL BECAUSE WE DIDN'T MAKE HER COFFE FAST ENOUGH, OR THROWING A BITCH FIT BECAUSE WE DIDN'T GRATE SOME CHEESE OVER THE DINNER SHE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING MAKE AND WAS JUST EATING IN BED OR THREATENED TO LOCK ME OUTSIDE FOR HAVING AN "ATTITUDE"

AND YET... AND YET I'M TOLD TO RELY ON MY DAD TO DO SOMETHING? WHEN HE HASN'T DONE JACK SHIT OR EVEN ENCOURAGED MY MOM FOR YEARS. DOES SAYING "I'LL TALK TO HER" "JUST LEAVE IT" "STOP IT" "BE QUIET" "STOP ARGUING SOUND LIKE FUCKING "DOING SOMETHING" TO YOU?

AND ON TOP OF ALL THIS I MUST GET GOOD GRADES! "OR YOU WON'T GET INTO UNI, QUINN" WELL SORRY FOR NOT HAVING STELLAR GRADES WHEN MY SISTER AND I DOING BASICALLY EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE CARER ISN'T HERE, AND ANY HOPE OF HELP OR OUTSIDE ACTIVITY WAS SHOT DOEN BECAUSE A CERTAIN LAZY POS REFUSED TO TAKE US TO SPORT OR GYMNASICS OR BALLET BECAUSE SHE'S "TOO TIRED" OR INTERROGATING US ABOUT WHAT WE SAID TO THE SOCIAL WORKER OR BEING ANGRY AT US FOR SEEING A PSYCHOLOGIST "WITHOUT TELLING HER BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TRUST THEM" OR- OR INSISTING "WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS HOUSE STAYS IN THIS HOUSE, YOU DON'T GO TELLING YOUR GRANDPARENTS OR OTHER FAMILY STUFF THAT DOESN'T CONCERN THEM"

LET'S NOT FORGET ARGUING WITH THE DOCTOR AND INSISTING HE'S WRONG AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT FOR THINKING I HAVE ADHD. IT COULD HELP ME, BUT WHO CARES, LET'S INSIST IT'S NOT THAT AND THEN GET ANGRY WHEN QUINN FORGETS THINGS, GETS DISTRACTED, MAKES MISTAKES, OR GETS POOR GRADES

LET'S INSIST QUINN HAS DEPRESSION BECAUSE "I'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH I'M BASICALLY QUALIFIED TO BE A PSYCHIATRIST, AND I KNOW THE SIGNS". LET'S SAY THAT'S WHY SHE'S TIRED ALL THE TIME, AND NOT BECAUSE SHE'S LITERALLY BEING THE PARENT OF THE HOUSE. EVEN THE FUCKING PSYCHOLOGIST SAYS THAT THERE'S NOT MUCH THAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT THE SITUATION AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BE "THE PARENT"..

"WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO UNHAPPY" "WHY DO YOU HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM" GEE IDK MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ABUSIVE POS WHO SLAPPED ME AND LOCKED ME OUTSIDEAND THREW A PLATE A LT ME AND WOULD CONSTANTLY THREATEN US WITH STUFF LIKE "I'LL BREAK THIS BOWL OVER YOUR HEAD" "I'LL PUNCH YOU" "I'LL THROW THIS SCALDING COFFEE AT YOU" ALL WHILE RELYING ON US TO DO EVERYTHING AND WHINING ABOUT HOW MUCH YOUR LIFE SUCKS EVEN THOUGH YOU SPEND ALL DAY EVERY DAY DOING WHATEVER YOU WANT WITHOUT A JOB AND AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY YOU WOULD TEAR INTO MY APPEARANCE OR CALL ME A BITCH OR CALL ME CANCER

AND THEN YOU FUCKING EXCUSE IT ALL WITH "IT WAS BECAUSE I HAD A SPIRIT ATTACHED TO ME" AND EVERY TIME WE BRING UP WHAT YOU DONE YOU EITHER BLAME IT ALL ON THAT OR SAY "I'M SORRY YOU'RE MADE AT ME FOR BEING SICK" "OR I'M SORRY THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL" OR "HOW YOU PERCIEVE THINGS ISN'T ALWAYS THE TRUTH"

I'm so tired. I'm so so tired.

[theapollosystem]

Looking back on my teenage years as now an adult i’m appalled by how my mother treated me

she was a 55 year old woman she should have known better to not drag a 15 year old out of bed by their hands alone, instead of i don’t know bringing me to a doctor or anybody who could help my depression my mom decided screaming at me and physically hurting me would be the best course of action

i think about how I was in the car with her one time, i don’t even remember where we were going but she said to me “i could drive this car off the road right now and kill us both i won’t cause i don’t want to die.” who fucking says that to their own child, especially when they’re underage

she told me that she was always too busy to be depressed and that I was lazy, a horrible person for being depressed and that i would never amount to anything to life

she called me names compared me to her abusive father who consistently sexual and physical abused her

my mother has apologized to me about it, when i still bring it up she just sighs and goes im sorry but i don’t think she understands how insanely fucked up it was to treat a child the way she did

i was so much weaker than her and she decided it was okay to treat me the way she did. i also had nobody outside of her really, I couldn’t escape home

i wish i could go back in time and tell myself when i was 15, that is not how you should have been treated. i wish i could tell myself it’s gonna be okay and that what happened is not okay under any circumstances

i was actively a suicide/self harm risk and my school found out. the school counselor asked me about it and i didn’t lie, so of course they asked me a bunch of questions.

they called my mom the school psychologist and counselor wanted my mom to take me to the hospital. my mom decided not to take me, i just never talked to that counselor again cause i was so scared about ending up on a ward.

i think looking back they should have asked about my family situation before calling my mom because i wouldn’t have lied i wouldn’t have protected her.if a kid is presenting with severe self harm thoughts maybe just maybe it’s a good idea to ask about their home life.

my stuff was right before a trip was scheduled for my birthday, ofc my mom went on the trip with me anyways cause that’s what she cared about and not my wellbeing.

the school failed us, they should have assessed us for abuse and also genuinely i don’t know if they couldn’t for some reason but I should have gotten sectioned. they shouldn’t have relied on my mom to take me they should have called an ambulance and had me sectioned.

why they called my mom and didn’t have us screened for abuse is cause they already knew my mom, she made a good enough impression to them though they didn’t know what was going on behind closed doors