#my mom was a school psychologist though

[sglossmin]

Muse | MYG pt. 12

Plot: What happens when the man you practically simp over in high school, is right now, sitting across you after almost 10 years of not seeing him? Worse? You're here for an appointment for therapy and he's your psychologist.

Pairing: SeniorStudent!Yoongi x JuniorStudent!Reader ---> Psychologist! Yoongi x Artist!Reader

Genre: Fluff, slight age gap, slice of life, a bit of angst, schoolmates to lovers(?) Switch POV

A/N 1: Available on WATTPAD (click here) now too!!

Comment your @ if u wanna be added to the taglist^^

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 11.5

The sun is up and it’s another day. But today is not just any other day—in fact, today is my biggest event. Sounds like a big deal, but it doesn’t feel like it. 

A week has passed since I blurted to Yoongi that I hate him. In the past week, I didn’t even have to try my best to avoid him. He was just… nowhere. Even when I go outside and we coincidentally meet, he’d run back to his house. To the point that I felt like he was avoiding me—when that was supposed to be my job.

It’s about 3 pm now—at least, the last time I checked. I lost track of time as I stared at nothing but the ceiling. I already have the vivid image of the painting that I’ll do at the event later in my head.

Then what could I possibly be thinking? 

Him? No… I’m thinking of nothing in particular, really. Just random thoughts that have been running in my mind for so long.

But also, the call that I got earlier from an old regular client of mine back when I was still staying in America. He’s a nice guy and has real good eyes when it comes to spotting great artworks, if I must say. He called and gave me an offer to mentor some young artists that he sees a lot of potential in. It’ll be for a month and the salary is quite good too.

And if I were to accept, it would only mean I have to go back to America.

I really have no reason to accept or refuse—which only made it harder for me to decide.

Staring at the blank ceiling, my alarm started ringing. I knew it’s time to get off the bed and get ready.

But I really wanna rot in bed more…

I lazily got off from my bed—rolling off from it made me groan pathetically as I fell on the floor. Slowly, I went to the shower.  Not even bothering to take off my clothes, I sat in the bathtub and let the water flow. Once the tub was filled, I turned off the faucet. 

Letting out a sigh, I sank deep into the water as I let the coldness of it wrap around me completely. I held my breath and stayed still.

What if I just let myself drown in here? It'd be fun… like the old days…

Still submerged, my eyes were closed then an image of him flickered in my mind. The look of worry, the way he smiles at me—and the few times I caught him flushed. 

But not just him, I remembered Jimin's cries as he held onto me that day…

He's such a crybaby.

I also remembered Jungkook, Tae, Sana, Chaeyoung… my mom… 

All of them have been worried for me ever since the accident. Maybe… I was being too selfish. I have never asked them what they feel. 

Maybe I grieved so much that I turned a blind eye and made it as an excuse… because I'm too ashamed.

I was too deep in my emotions that I forgot I wasn't the only one suffering.

They are too.

Maybe it's time for me to be there for them. Give back the strength they gave—even though they never asked. 

Life might not always be great, but the little moments are. It's up to the person whether to find meaning and happiness—or keep the solemn silence in them.

I raised my head before I could even drown myself. Panting heavily as I chuckled, thinking how reckless I've been with myself for the past years.

“I can't kill myself now,” I muttered as I stood up and got off the bathtub. Taking off my clothes, I threw it in the basket—leaving me bare. I sighed while I looked at the mirror. My skin is glowing, so different from the Y/n back then. 

What changed? Nothing… But what came back? Simple, my will to live.

“I have a billion to get and a man to confess to.” I said while I stared at my reflection. My eyes that used to be dull and lifeless are now filled with passion. It wasn't anxiety anymore—but adrenaline  that fills me when thinking about the possible things that could happen. 

I dolled myself up for the evening, wearing the black, mid-length dress. I purposely chose to wear black since I'm going to paint after all. The dress features a structured sweetheart neckline and wide shoulder straps, giving it a composed yet feminine silhouette. The bodice is fitted, accentuating the waist before flowing into a soft, A-line skirt that ends around the calves. A sheer chiffon overlay adds a delicate, almost ethereal touch, while a subtle side slit offers just enough movement and intrigue. 

But of course, this whole outfit will be a waste if I ever accidentally splash paint on it, so I made sure to pack an apron. 

I paired my dress with a pair of wine red flat shoes. Tonight is not just about fashion, I also have to be comfortable too since I'd have to move a lot. 

I really wanted to do a low bun for my hairstyle, but I guess my hands are not for it. Which explains why I just did my usual soft waves, but this time, it's tucked behind my ear.

While finishing my makeup, my phone rang and I immediately answered it. I put it on speaker mode so that I can continue my makeup.

“I'm outside,” Jimin said through the phone. 

As I put on the eyeliner, I replied. “Just come in. The door's open.”

Soon, the door of my room flew open, revealing a grinning Jimin. 

He's wearing a sharp black tuxedo with satin lapels and a crisp white dress shirt, slightly unbuttoned at the top that adds a relaxed sophistication. His trousers are tailored perfectly too, elongating his silhouette. But honestly, I think the sleek black leather Chelsea boots is the one that completes his whole look.

“Oh my my my… No wonder you're taking so long,” He smirked as he eyed me up and down.

I rolled my eyes at him then sprayed the setting spray on my face to lock my makeup. “Just finishing actually. And you're not bad yourself. Wait—are you trying to match with me?” I teased as I took one more glance at him.

Jimin raised a brow and replied in his sassiest tone, “Excuse me?”

“You're excused.”

He scoffed, crossing his arms as he replied. “It's called a tuxedo and black is a common color of it. Besides, it's not like I own many things like this. Who would've thought that one day, we'd be attending an event like this.”

Feeling a sense of accomplishment, I smiled. “I know right…”

The second I'm done with makeup, I put my jewelry on.

I sighed, staring at the reflection of mine in my mirror. This is a high-end event and I surely look part of the kind of people who attend it. It's the power of makeup and being stylish, I guess.

Jimin stepped closer, enough for me to see his reflection in the mirror too. He grinned, both satisfied with our look. “Ready, Y/n?”  

“Yeah… I am.”

I didn't know it'd be this flashy when we got inside. With Jimin on my left and Mr Lee—the patron—on my right, we smiled through the camera.

The event is being held in Mr Lee's hotel—in the massive ballroom, to be exact. Multiple chandeliers hang from the ceiling, a bar lines on the side, the stage that was custom-built for me—where there was a large canvas and a seat already in place. Soft lighting and a small group of performers playing jazz music on the corner.

A crowd of more than fifty people watching my every move. As people kept murmuring, I was able to catch some of it.

“Oh gosh, she's prettier in person.”

“Modest, huh? Simplicity is beauty, I guess…”

“I'm really looking forward to her painting tonight!”

“I wonder what vibe she'll paint.”

“Wait—is that her boyfriend beside her?”

“No… it's her manager, I think?”

“Regardless, they both look hot. Their attires are matchy too!”

“I just hope she won't be a mess tonight, I heard she's kinda insane or something.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, a friend of a friend of mine has an intel. Seems like L.Y.V. was quite… cray-cray when she was younger.”

Their sudden mentions of weird things about me became louder in my ear. I did my best to shrug it off—not wanting to ruin the night.

After a short greeting, Mr Lee introduced me to everyone. 

“Mic test mic test…” He cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention. “Good evening everyone. Thank you for joining us for what we promise that'll be a wonderful night. 

For tonight… We invited someone special—someone whose work you’ve likely seen without even knowing their name…until recently. An artist who captured my heart—making me feel that I'm heard through her artworks. 

It is truly a rare opportunity to have her here. And if I must say, it's worth every penny.” He chuckled before glancing at my manager who grinned back at him. “I'm truly honored to be the host of her very first live performance. Please welcome, for the first time ever on live canvas… Ms. L.Y.V!”

Everyone applauded, and I bowed out of courtesy. I'm still not used to such a crowd praising me like this—especially since I haven't even started. 

After half an hour of mingling with the guests, it is my time now to perform. From what I researched, artists who had a live painting performed the way they wanted. Some were too exaggerated with their moves, and some painted just like a normal person would do. 

But anyways, what's even considered “normal”? Art is about how you express yourself—at least, that's what I think. 

Art can mean different things to every person. An artist could paint stars, and people would interpret it in different ways. 

Some would say that the stars are our dead ancestors—that when we die, we'll have a place in the sky, and we'll shine bright, making the people look up at us in awe. Some would say that counting these stars is like the meaning of life—meaningless and a waste of time. Then some would say that we are the stars—we all shine, but in different ways.

And I think that's what's cool with art—it's limitless.

“Your imagination is your limit.” It might be my favorite quote. It's from a snack brand I've always seen on TV when I was a kid. The way it was delivered in the most jolly way but it still hit something deep within me. It's been stuck with me ever since.

The musicians keep playing as I get started. Taking a deep breath, I held the brush and started painting the picture in my head. Starting with long strokes, the brush kissed the canvas. I mainly brought three big cans of paint—the primary colors—from biggest to smallest brush, and a couple of paint palette to mix the paints.

I heard from Jimin that Mr Lee likes cats. In fact, he adores my signature. Which is why I decided to do an abstract painting in a portrait form.

A cupid cat holding a bow, but with the arrow pointing backward—like he accidentally aimed at himself. While the other cat is playing on the soft grass and is already lovestruck. 

The time flies by and I'm nearly done—nothing dramatic happens while I paint. Everyone was either watching in awe or murmuring by the people beside them.

While finishing the painting, I noticed something odd. 

What the…

Anyone who'd ever look at this painting will notice it in an instant. Looking at the time left, I knew I'd have no time to “fix” it.

All I did was paint a grassfield with cats… How the heck did it turn out like this…

Anxiety crept in, and I could barely feel the brush in my hand. I just stared at the canvas in front of me as I felt the heat spread across my cheeks.

Oh gosh… This is just peak obviousness.

As I panic mentally, I felt a hand tapping my shoulder. I turned towards to see Jimin smiling at me.

“Hey, you okay? Are you done? You've been staring at it for the past ten minutes.”

I frowned and slightly pouted. “Jimin-ah…” I tilted my head, motioning towards the painting. Jimin looked over the painting and his eyes widened at the sudden realization.

But me nodding seems like a wrong move. The patron took it as a sign that I'm finished and walked towards us.

“Wow… As expected of LYV!” Mr Lee exclaimed and gestured to the photographers to take a picture. “But wait a minute… Is this a portrait of someone..?” He eyed me suspiciously.

Of course, he'd react like that… Would you want to have some guy's face on your house?

Ironically, the cat got my tongue. 

Sensing my embarrassment, Jimin chimed in. “Not just someone—but, cats!” 

He pointed at the supposed star of the painting, who had become just one of the accessories in the face of the man I tried my best to push away in my thoughts for tonight.

“Oh… I get it now! It's an abstract painting… When you look closely, you see a cat inevitably falling in love—since the cupid cat already struck the other cat. And the cupid cat… It might be accidentally? or he purposely did it? Like a suicide—but for falling in love…” he chuckled, eyeing the almost-dry painting.

“And when you look from afar, you'd see a man? Looking back at you in a oh so lovingly, huh? Perhaps, he was the cupid cat.” He joked, making everyone in the room laugh.

“Am I right, Ms Y/n?” 

When he looked back at me, all I could manage to do was nod and laugh along with them. “Y-yeah!… You really got the vibe I was aiming for.”

“You might as well propose to him.” Jimin snorted as he watched me drown myself with drinks—non-alcoholic, this time.

“Oh, come on. I swear… I've never expected it to turn like that. It's like—like my hand is moving on its own!”

“Well, you did great, regardless. Mr Lee's secretary already sent the full payment. It seems like he really loves it.” He grinned as he greeted the ladies who approached us from time to time.

My eyes narrowed at the obvious flirtations of the women. On the other hand, Jimin is a pro. He knew how to keep his smile and refuse politely.

“Why did you keep on refusing them? They're pretty and moreover—richie rich!” We both laughed at my statement. 

“Wow… Do you really think of me that low?” he said as he exaggeratedly pouted.

I frowned, confused at how it is connected with what I said. “What do you mean?”

“I'm your manager. It is my job to look after you. Not fling with those crazy rich people.”

I nodded, understanding what he meant. But me being me, I couldn't help myself but tease him—or else I'd tweak. “Ah… So you're staying on my side because it's your job, huh?”

He scoffed as he rolled his eyes at me. “Whatever lets you sleep at night, Y/n.”

The rest of the night went on with food and cheers. I noticed a lot of celebrities at the party too.

And thank heaven, because of my job—I was able to meet Choi Seung-hyun! T.O.P of BIGBANG himself! 

My teenage self would squeal her head off if I ever told her that. 

Other than the unexpected turnout of my painting… nothing weird happened. Everything went smoothly and now, I'm ready to sleep—with billions of won in my bank account.

(MYG POV)

“HYUNG HYUNG HYUNGGGGG!!!”

All of us turned our head to the youngest as he screamed while staring at his phone.

“Yah! Kim Namjoon, is the movie that scary?” Jin scolds the youngest who's still gaping as he stares at his phone.

We're in Hoseok's house tonight—doing a bit of planning for the trip. But everyone realized that we're all clueless when it comes to this stuff, so we just turned on the TV and watched a movie instead. 

“No… It's Yoongi hyung…”

I frowned, and before I could scoot over and see what's so intriguing about it, Namjoon shoved his phone right in front of my face.

“Yoongi hyung… She drew you on her FIRST LIVE PAINTING!!!” It seems like he lost his sanity with his last words. 

When he dropped the phone, I took it, and saw… my face. The way it was painted was subtle—like it's blending with the scenery. I also noticed the cute cats on it.

He clutched his head, wide-eyed. “Whoa… Hyung! That event was held by a crazy rich Mr Lee. If he doesn't like the painting… Y/n's career would be dead. But seeing the articles coming up now… She really did great.” he chuckled, leaning back. “Oh, to be someone's muse…”

“Wait—so she had been thinking about you all night? Hyung… She must really like you to paint you from memory.” Hoseok teased as he nudged my side.

I couldn't help but blush at the possibility.

“Or! She still hates you… I mean—look at the article. It is said that the figure of the man was the cupid cat. The cat was literally going to kill himself! See where it points??” Jin points at the cat and the arrow head—proving his point.

My smile dropped fast too. I really don't know what she feels about me. She's been giving me mixed signals. 

“But didn't Yoongi hyung give her enough space to ease her mind? Why would she still be mad?” Namjoon asked.

He's right… I've been doing my best to give her space. 

I mentally high-fived myself—thinking I did a good job.

“Are you sure you gave her enough space?” Jin asked.

“Of course! I practically run back to my house whenever we happen to go out at the same time.”

They all nodded, as if also thinking where I went wrong.

After a long silence, deep in thought,  Hoseok finally spoke. “Wait—Hyung… Weren't you just avoiding her?”

My eyes widened at the sudden realization.

“Wha—!”

Taglist:@choijay-07 @sanarin @yooforeaa @this-most-assuredly-counts @minniejim @amarawayne@peacenpigeons @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @rottingbedpost @emirawht@user3948388

[azzifudd10]

Chapter 21: Nothings Gonna Hurt You Baby

The courtroom was cold. Not physically — though the A/C definitely blasted through her sweater — but in the way that made everything feel hollow. Distant. Like life had paused and left Azzi in a version of the world that didn’t believe in love. A place where facts were weighed more than feelings, and where a man who hadn’t shown up for his daughter in years could still show up now and ruin everything. Azzi gripped the edge of the bench with white-knuckled fingers. Paige was beside her, looking composed. But Azzi knew her too well. The stillness wasn’t calm. It was fury contained. Beneath it, Paige was on fire. And Azzi… Azzi felt like she was drowning. It had been weeks of paperwork. Depositions. Background checks. Interviews. Home visits. Paige’s ex — Jazlyn’s biological father — had filed a formal objection to the adoption. Claimed he wanted to "reestablish a relationship" with his daughter. But Azzi knew better. He didn’t want a relationship. He wanted control. And maybe revenge. The last time she’d seen him face-to-face, he’d bloodied her nose. Concussion. Stitches. She still heard Paige screaming when she collapsed. She still saw the fear in Jazlyn’s eyes. And yet, here they were. In a courtroom where he got to wear a suit and pretend he was a father. Where the system, somehow, gave him space to play pretend while Azzi had to prove herself over and over again — despite being the one who brushed Jaz’s teeth every night, who memorized the lyrics to her favorite bedtime song, who danced with her in the kitchen during pancake mornings and whispered “I love you more” when she cried. The judge called a recess. Azzi stood slowly, her legs stiff. Her lawyer gave her a soft nod — not reassurance, but acknowledgment. This was going to be brutal. Paige touched her hand as they walked into the hallway. “You’re doing everything right.” Azzi blinked. “I’m scared, Paigey.” “I know.” They found a quiet corner in the hallway, just the two of them. Azzi leaned against the wall and whispered, “What if I lose her?” “You won’t,” Paige said, voice steady. “You’re her mom.” “But the court doesn’t see it that way. And he…” Azzi’s voice cracked. “He gets to show up for five minutes and undo everything I’ve built with her.” Paige cupped her face gently. “We’re not giving up.” A small voice broke the tension. “Mommy?” Azzi turned. Jazlyn was walking down the hall, holding Katie’s hand — Paige’s stepmom had taken her outside for fresh air. She had her unicorn tucked under one arm and her sparkly sneakers lighting up with every step. When she saw Azzi, she broke into a run. Azzi knelt just in time to catch her. “I was looking for you,” Jazlyn mumbled against her shoulder. “I’m right here,” Azzi whispered. “Always.”

That night, the house was too quiet. Paige was putting Jazlyn to bed. Azzi sat in their bedroom, the song Paige had left playing echoing softly off the walls. "Nothing’s gonna hurt you, baby…" Azzi stared at the adoption folder on her lap. Forms. Witness statements. Photos. A drawing Jazlyn had made : Azzi with a giant smile, stick-figure arms around a tiny Jaz. The label? “Me and Mommy.” Azzi's heart cracked. She opened her phone and scrolled to the video. The one Paige had secretly recorded when Jazlyn had her first school presentation. She stood in front of her class, curly hair bouncing, wearing a little pink dress. “My name is Jazlyn and my favorite person is my Mommy because she sings with me and smells like vanilla.” Azzi started crying. Not the quiet kind. The kind that soaked her shirt and made her whole chest heave. Paige found her like that. No questions. No words. Just wrapped her arms around her from behind, pressed a kiss to her shoulder, and whispered, “We’re gonna win.” Azzi turned into her arms. “What if we don’t?” “Then we fight harder.”

The trial dragged for weeks. They brought in child psychologists. Teachers. Friends. Caroline and Ines even flew in to testify. Said they'd never seen a child more loved. Said Jazlyn talked about Azzi like she hung the moon. But the hardest day — the worst — was when they brought him to the stand. Paige held Azzi’s hand as he lied. About wanting to be a father. About trying to reach out. About loving his daughter. Azzi wanted to scream. Instead, she sat through it all, cold and trembling. When it was her turn, she stood. Her voice cracked halfway through her testimony. She talked about lullabies. About Hope. About Jazlyn’s nightmares. Her laughter. Her tantrums. Her tiny toothbrush beside hers in the sink. Then she said, “She calls me Mommy. Because I am.” There wasn’t a dry eye in the courtroom — not even the judge’s clerk. Weeks later, they were still waiting for the final decision. But on the porch that evening, Jazlyn curled up on Azzi’s lap, watching the sun go down. She looked up and said, “Mommy?” Azzi brushed curls from her forehead. “Yeah, baby?” “Are you gonna be my real mom soon?” Azzi’s throat tightened. “I already am, Jazzy. But I hope the people who make the rules say yes too.” Jazlyn thought for a moment. “Even if they don’t… you still feel like my real mom.” Azzi pressed her forehead to hers and whispered, “Nothing’s gonna hurt you, baby.” And in that moment — just for a little while — the battle didn’t matter. They had each other. And that love? That was already forever Azzi’s POV The ruling came on a Thursday morning. The kind of morning that felt like it shouldn’t hold something so big. The sky was soft and overcast, birds chirping like it was any other day. But inside Azzi’s chest, everything was thunder. She hadn’t slept. Neither had Paige. Jazlyn, mercifully, was still at school, clueless to the gravity of the decision. Azzi didn’t know how she’d explain it to her — what she’d say if the answer was no. If all the lullabies and bedtime kisses and “I love you, Mommy”s didn’t matter in the eyes of the law. She stared at the courtroom doors, hands trembling. Paige touched her lower back gently. “You ready?” “No,” Azzi whispered. “But I’m going in anyway.” They stepped inside together.

The judge took her seat. She was the same woman who’d been there from the beginning — gray hair pulled into a low bun, glasses perched on her nose, eyes sharp but kind. She looked between Azzi, Paige, and the man who sat across from them — the biological father. He wore another slick suit, but he hadn’t bothered to make eye contact. He never did. Azzi wasn’t sure he ever really looked at people — just past them, like he was always calculating what he could get. She hated that he had any claim on Jazlyn at all. The judge cleared her throat. “In the matter of Jazlyn Elise Bueckers and the petition for second-parent adoption by Azzi Jazlyn Fudd, this court has considered the testimonies, the documentation, the psychological evaluations, and the objection filed by the biological father…” Azzi gripped Paige’s hand. “…and finds that continued obstruction of this adoption would not serve the best interests of the child.” Azzi blinked. Did she just— The judge looked directly at her. “Miss Fudd, this court grants your petition. You are now, legally, Jazlyn’s mother.” Azzi didn’t cry at first. She just… froze. Time stopped. It wasn’t until Paige wrapped her arms around her — tight, urgent, trembling — that the tears finally came. She buried her face in Paige’s neck, sobbing, laughing, shaking. “She’s mine,” Azzi whispered. “I’m her mom.” “You always were,” Paige said into her hair. “Now everyone else just has to say it out loud.”

They barely made it out of the courtroom when Katie called, screaming with joy. Caroline sent voice memos full of happy tears. Even Ines, who hated phone calls, FaceTimed from the locker room with the entire European team behind her chanting “Mom-my! Mom-my!” But none of it compared to the moment they walked into Jazlyn’s school. She was already at the front desk, coloring with a teacher. When she saw Azzi, she lit up — the kind of light that made every terrible thing worth it. Azzi knelt. “Guess what, Jazzy?” “What?” she asked, bouncing in place. “I’m your mommy forever. No one can take that away now.” Jazlyn looked at her like she’d just said the moon was hers. Then she launched herself into Azzi’s arms and squealed, “I knew it!” Azzi laughed through tears. “Me too, baby. Me too.”

That night, after celebration cupcakes and couch cuddles and a dance party to Frozen, Jazlyn finally fell asleep on the big bed, stretched out like a starfish between them. Azzi looked down at her. “She’s ours,” she whispered. “She always was,” Paige said, running a hand through her curls. Then Paige frowned slightly. “There’s something else.” Azzi turned. “What?” Paige hesitated. Then reached for a box from her nightstand drawer — small, wooden, worn with age. “She gave this to me a few days ago,” Paige said. “Jazlyn. Said it was something she found in her old toy box — from her dad’s house.” Azzi’s stomach tightened. “Why didn’t you show me sooner?” “I didn’t know what it was,” Paige whispered. “I think… I think it’s from Hope.” Azzi froze. Paige opened the box slowly. Inside was a photo — one Azzi hadn’t seen in years. A blurry ultrasound, curled at the edges. Tucked into the photo was a folded paper. Azzi opened it with shaking fingers. It was a letter. To whoever reads this, Her name is Hope. If something happens to me, if I don’t get to meet her — please tell her I loved her every single second. And if she never gets here at all… maybe she still can exist. In someone else’s heart. In someone else’s arms. Love always, Azzi. Azzi couldn’t speak. It wasn’t just a letter. It was a wish. A prayer. A prophecy. Azzi touched the letter, tears falling freely. “Nothing’s gonna hurt you, baby,” she whispered again. Not on her watch. Not ever.

[pinazee]

Murder?…Anyone? …Anyone?…Bueller?

First of all, solid title.

Secondly, im back (sort of). Lets get into it!

I LOVE this episode. I love the insight into who gus and shawn were as teenagers, i love how gus and shawn are both stuck in the past in different ways, and i love Abigail Lytar!

From the first moment we meet her, we know that she gets Shawn. She not only clocks his judd nelson pic, she also plays along with the joke and makes another obscure reference.

Abigail is the best love triangle addition in the history of television and i will die on that hill! They made her a genuine “competitor” to juliet by writing her as someone almost catered to shawns personality.

Normally with love triangles, they write the “competition” as less compelling of a choice to really emphasize how the mains are end goal OR they’ll make the decision split the center characters personalities, so like one choice will be the girl next door and represents the past version of them and the other is more career focused and represents the future (think sweet home alabama, uh, 13 going on 30, romcoms in general, you get it) And to a degree, thats sort of what this is with abigail and juliet, except it doesn’t split them in a way that is determined by shawn. Like, who shawn chooses doesn’t impact who he’ll be. The choice isnt a lesson or a determination of his character, if that makes sense. Plus, theres no caveat to Abigail. Like, she’d be perfect for him if it wasn’t for ___. None of that. Abigail and Shawn could have worked (ill go into it more in season 4 when they finally do get together).

Sidenote: i think her dynamic with both shawn and gus was really cute (which is another win in the abigail is a great love triangle addition column)

So apparently Shawns recall is so good he can do an instant replay. Idk if i should add that to his list of skills or just lump that into his existing memory power. I also love though, that its a blurry image because thats how Shawn saw it and they didn’t try to make him super human and see it in high definition.

Ravi shinkar is a heck of a reference to make and an even crazier one for lassie to have seen and shawn to understand haha

There was a joke made by Gus that Shawn didn’t know anything about their senior class or what happened senior year or the school, but I’d like to point out that his parents were on the brink of a divorce and then did divorce his senior year so im guessing he was pretty distracted. This is kind of random, but im wondering when Shawn decided he wasn’t going to be a cop like his dad. Like what was his tipping point. I always thought it was after his mom left because she said when she left she thought he would be okay, which to me meant that he had his path set. Now, because of how he didnt seem to care for school at all and was already off doing his own adventures (becoming part of the janitors society to get keys presumably for some reason) he was already aimless. Maddie was either delusional or Shawn lied to her? Idk im over thinking this silly cop show.

Now, the box of cop cars is not unexpected. We know who henry is. But this little bit actually tells us that Maddie never bought him other cars?? If I’m Maddie, and my husband is training my kid to become something i must have noticed he didn’t want to be because I’m a psychologist, I’m going to say something! Idk, maybe part of the reason they divorced was because of how henry was with Shawn, but then why would she leave him behind and think he was okay? So, i guess, i don’t understand why Maddie wouldn’t have pushed back. Why wouldn’t she buy shawn other toy cars for him to play with to provide choices for him. There is the possibility that shawn never told her that henrys training made him miserable because they were already fighting and didn’t want to give them another reason. Again, over thinking.

Some smaller notes:

-low blow for Gus to straight up tell Shawn no one had any expectations for him. Like i get he’s having a quarter life crisis or whatever, but, all the same, rude.

-that prom queen was Serinda Swan who was in a show called breakout kings with our own Mary Lightly aka Jimmi Simpson :)

-my favorite thing about carlton is that he’s a good head detective and yet has absolutely the worst instincts around. Like true south all the time.

P.S

“What does every great john hughes movie have? A love triangle!” Omg i just now saw what they did there and now i feel like an idiot lol

[alexaloraetheris]

I juat remembered the day, about two months ago, when I went to renew my perscription and ended up derailed by some kind of divine influence that really, really wanted my help. 😂

So I have an appointment at 9. First thing I do is sleep in because my alarm simply did not ring. First time that happened. I cursed out the damn phone and ordered a taxi, which I had specifically hoping to avoid because of the traffic congestion.

My driver is a woman a bit older than me, and she's in a good mood so we chat. She told me she was thinking of moving to [city on the coast] because taxi drivers are paid better there, and I tell her I have family there, we comment on what it's like to drive in a city essentially built into three hills and a cliff. She mentiones she has scoliosis, and it sometimes impacts her ability to sit in a car for long periods of time. I had scoliosis as well, but I had managed to fix it with exercises almost completely so I recommended my physical therapist, and assured her it's not too late, because some of the people in my therapy group were even older than her. When she let me off she thanked me for the help.

Feeling good that, even if I had to pay out the nose for the ride, I got there in time and even managed to do a good deed. I rush in, tell the reception guy I'm here to see my doctor and settle in to wait.

Two hours later, I see people being called in but not my name. I ask why, and doctor looks at me blankly and says I'm not in the system. I have to tell the reception I've arrived so I show up on his schedule.

I'm mentally cursing out the entire hospital, but I wasn't raised by wolves. I thank the doctor, politely tell the different receptionist that the last guy probably didn't hear me when I told him my appointment, got added in and went back to wait.

Ten minutes later, a visibly nervous girl with freshly printed papers sits in the waiting room. I'm in a bit of a mood, but I'm also a firm believer in helping if I can. I paste on a smile and ask 'First time?' and she admits she just got sent here for a potential ADHD diagnosis and she had no idea what to do. Having been there and knowing exactly how hard it was to do it on your own, I gave her the number of the psychologist who made my diagnosis, assured her that the psychiatrist she was here to see is the same one I have and that he's a good guy, explained what ADHD actually was and how the meds work. She was neraly crying with relief by the time I was done, and I promised she could send me questions if she needs to.

I finally, finally go in for my appointment in a slightly better mood, only for my psychiatrist to tell me Concerta is no longer imported, I have to go on some other meds and for that I need my family doctor to sign off on a regular perscription instead of getting an Rx perscription from him.

This is the worst case scenario, because I do NOT want my mother, who thinks ADHD was invented by quack American psychologists to sell expensive meds to parents with unruly children, to know I have ADHD. So I mentally curse out the entire healthcare system, go to the family doctor and explain the situation, that my mother absolutely CANNOT know about my diagnosis. Even though the doctor was not aware of my diagnosis so far, she listens attentively, and we make sure that my mom can't check the insurance we're both under to see what meds I'm on or that if she checks my name in the pharmacy directory she can't see me either.

I thought I handled that situation rather well but I must have looked more worried than I thought, because the doctor admitted her high-school age granddaughter had been asking questions about psychologists and antidepressants and she had so far been dismissive. But if she really needs help, she might do the same thing I did and seek help on her own, and my doctor realized she ought to either change her attitude fast or be left in the dark while her granddaughter is struggling. So I told her which psychologist I went to when I was also a depressed high schooler and how it helped and what I would have wanted my family to keep in mind. She thanks me and hands me a new perscription and sends me on my way.

So by now I am starting to notice a pattern.

Now, I'm actually an atheist, and I have 'Culturally Catholic' as a flaw and a laundry list of Stuff(TM) I have had to unlearn, but sometimes I really wonder if Someone Up There looked at me that day and thought:

"Hmm, looks like I have three problems I can solve with one well-positioned dumbass. Time to ruin her day for the good of the world!"

I mean. Happy to help but I really hope ruining my day won't be necessary next time.

[alaskan-wallflower]

Curtis gang parents career headcanons

Mrs. Curtis: She had two jobs, she worked as a kindergarten teacher (and actually taught most of the Curtis gang) She also worked at a daycare after teaching every other day. She had weekends free.

Me. Curtis: He’s an ex World War II veteran, and after that he started doing carpentry. He made, painted, designed and sold his own furniture. He usually spent a lot of time at home, also sorta acting as a stay at home dad.

Mr. Cade: He’s a janitor at the Will Rogers high school. He’s been doing that for about ten years and honestly hates it.

Mrs. Cade: She’s unemployed. She’s usually too drunk or high to work, so she just doesn’t work. It’s a catalyst for math fights in the Cade household.

Dally’s mom: Dally’s mom was a satay at home mom back when he lived in Russia. She taught piano on the side though until she died from a brain aneurysm when Dally was young.

Dally’s dad: He was a lawyer. Dally’s life back in Russia used to be much more lavish than it is now. His dad was never really home until his mom died, though.

Mrs. Mathews: She used to run a flower shopping before she had kids and had to sell it because she wasn’t making enough money to take care of Two-But and his sister. She canonically works as either a waitress or a bartender, I can’t remember. Two-Bit blames himself for his mom’s loss of her flower shopping before

Mr. Mathews: He’s used to work at a tattoo parlor when he met Mrs. Mathews. However, when he left with another woman, he abandoned his work. Nobody knows what he does now.

Mrs. Randle: She used to be a teacher with Mrs. Curtis, but when she started getting hooked on drugs, she just retired early. After that she didn’t work anymore and she got arrested for drug possession when Steve was nine.

Mr. Randle: He’s an electric engineer. It’s a family run business that has been passed down for generations, and he wants Steve to keep it going, but Steve doesn’t want to do engineering, so this is usually a catalyst for fights amongst the two of them.

(also in my headcanon Steve’s adopted. His bio mom runs a cafe in San Francisco and his bio dad works as a psychologist)

[happykinzz]

random marble hornets headcanons i need to share

Amy worked at a beauty boutique and specialized specifically in hair and makeup

She was also one of those super nice girls that would always compliment her clients and boost their confidence, :))

I know it's canon that Tim worked construction, but I do think at one point (either pre or post mh), he worked at a Home Depot or Ace Hardware for a long time.

Speaking of canon Tim facts , since he liked photography I think he specifically liked to take photos of sunsets, monuments, and those weird copper statues of children playing that you find on the street.

Brian played baseball in High School and was pretty good at it

He was so good at it he could've gone pro, but didn't cause his heart wasn't really in it (his parents made him do it in the first place)

Since Brian was a psychology major, I think if he ever graduated he would've become a child psychologist or an EMT

I know you need a lot more than a psychology degree to become an EMT but I just think that job just suits him

Brian also hikes a lot, and takes many photos of the plants and critters he finds along the way

He had a blog that documented all his findings, and always mentioned facts he found about the plants and animals he discovered

Whenever Brian and Tim hang out they like to either watch shitty horror flicks or shitty reality TV ( TLC, Maury, Dr Phil, Real Housewives, etc )

They both like to annoy Alex with their shows cause they know Alex thinks they're all stupid and are "mindless programming"

Alex's mom and Amy got along really well

Speaking of Moms

After Tim's mom abandoned him, she went on to become one of those "Lolcows" that constantly go on Instagram Live and argue with the "trolls" that are being mean to her

She's one of those people that believe that essential oils can cure every terminal illness ever and scams a lot of people with Go-Fund Me's and MLM scams she tries to sell

When people find out she basically left her kid to rot in a mental institution for the rest of his life it becomes a big thing and everyone on the internet is talking about her (karmas a bitch)

Nobody is actually able to get in contact with the actual kid though (Tim wants nothing to do with the situation, leave my man ALONE)

Brian had a lot of younger siblings that he always got a bunch of gifts for whenever he came home for holidays

[wickedsrest-rp]

Xóchitl Reyes She / her

"You’re right! It wasn’t my fault. It was the fae’s."

SPECIES: Human (Non-powered) OCCUPATION: Clinical Psychologist AGE: 31 Years Old PLAYED BY: Emily FC: Melissa Barrera

BIOGRAPHY:

TW: Child death

Losing your best friend when you’re eight really does something to a person.

Unfortunately for her, Xóchitl Reyes knew this both from textbooks and through firsthand experience. A playdate at a local park had ended in tragedy and catapulted her into a path she’d never asked to be on. (In fact, she tried asking the universe many times to take her back off of that path). She’d been born in Wicked’s Rest, but spent much of her life elsewhere – Boston and New York City — brief trips elsewhere to name a few. Except that no matter where she went her friend’s death (and life) clung to her, and she was unable to keep true focus on anything else, even while getting her Doctorate. The loss enveloped her in a way she didn’t quite think was even possible.

It wouldn’t have been fair to blame a long-dead girl for Xóchitl’s self-destructive tendencies, but in another world (a better, happier one – where things went right) she wouldn’t have been so reliant on other bodies and on drinking. On finding ways to do whatever she could do to forget that day at the park years ago. On doing everything she could to forget the unforgettable.

Going back to the beginning was some sort of saying, and she did just that. She returned to her hometown that wasn’t really her home, in desperate search for answers about what had happened to her best friend. She didn’t like not knowing things, and she thought that maybe, through finally figuring out what had happened to Mackenzie, she’d be able to put it to rest.

Unfortunately, though she was able to figure out what had happened to her best friend, it had the opposite effect on putting things to rest. It opened up a world that she previously believed only resided in storybooks, and it was somehow worse than she’d imagined. The monsters of her nightmares were called fae (leprechauns specifically had killed her friend) and they were everywhere. When someone is a child, most monsters can be shooed away through a quick check under the bed or in the closet, because monsters are supposed to be imaginary – manifestations of anxiety and fear. As it turned out, they were very real and even worse than she’d imagined as a child.

It was her job to help. She’d gone to years of schooling to become a psychologist after all, and she liked to think she did a pretty good job of it. It was her job to help make the world a better place than it had been for her. Not that her world had been all bad, but if she could prevent someone else from going through what she had gone through then she would have done her part to improve the world as it was.

Which might have meant that she sought out clients whose problems seemed a little more fae-adjacent and maybe she probed them a bit more than she should have, but it was all in the name of helping. She could get better, she could fix things — she was able to eat ice cream again, and maybe she’d be able to help rid the world of the nightmare monsters that were fae. Monsters were real, and fae were the worst of them.

She’d gone back to the beginning; now she knew she just needed to make sure that she had a say in the ending.

PERSONALITY:

Determined · Vengeful · Clever · Co-dependent · Charming · Bitter · Self-Destructive · Compassionate · Inquisitive 

OTHER INFO:

Xóchitl was officially diagnosed with PTSD when she was eight years old and after that her parents decided that getting her an emotional support animal might help her somewhat. The first one was a gray cat who she called Oso. Now she has a golden retriever named Esperanza.

She went to Ireland last year and met a real leprechaun. This catapulted the series of events that led her to properly discovering what happened to Mackenzie.

Xóchitl is still in fairly regular contact with her moms, but she doesn’t tell them nearly everything that happens. They know enough so that they don’t worry, but that’s about it.

Her home’s door knobs are iron now.

Xóchitl can play the piano quite well. She first learned when she was about three. This is a calming activity for her, but not always one that she advertises her skills in. She has a piano in her home, and it’s the same one she’s had all her life.

She can’t cook. Not at all.

[sophieinwonderland]

r/FakeDisorderCringe doesn't know what biblical canon is, atheists are offended by saying God is plural, and other people casually throwing out some blasphemies and ableism!

👎

For uncreative title.

Atheists Pretending To Be Deeply Offended...

So, let me guess, you're not actually Christian are you?

Those guys sure aren't.

So weird how people pretend to be offended over a religion they aren't even a part of.

(Let's be real though, that's most of the tulpa discourse.)

Oh... you considered converting.

That clearly gives you a say in this conversation. /s

Meanwhile, my host actually lived the religion. He was Christian through his teenage years, and as a child helped his mom teach Sunday School and went to sleep every night on a Noah's Ark pillow.

Sorry, I distracted from your point. We're thieves stealing from a religion. 🙄

Okay, let's talk "canon!"

I just... I LOVE this whole conversation! 🤣

THIS is actual cringe.

Does anyone see the issue here?

I'll let u/AdSuccessful3533 spell it out. Possibly the only person with sense in the thread.

It's not just Catholic Canon either, but Biblical Canon! Like, there's a whole Wikipedia article on it!

The sheer self-righteous ignorance of r/Fakerdisordercringe (and r/systemscringe) never ceases to amaze me.

All of these people so bent out of shape over the use of "canon" to describe biblical text as if that's not been in use for hundreds of years!

"Something a middle schooler would say."

The Heresies!

That's correct. This is NOT the modalism heresy.

Modalism suggests God is a single unified being who reveals himself in different forms. God being plural would mean that God is three beings in one. This is completely in-line with the views of Trinitarianism.

An example of the modalism heresy would be more like this...

Comparing God to Optimus Prime, arguing that they're just different forms like Optimus Prime in a truck form vs him in a robot form, is modalism.

But if modalism isn't enough, we've got some tritheism too!

Besides the tritheism... it's really hard to take people who are calling tulpas appropriative seriously when they don't even know basic facts about the most popular religion in the world.

Also, the part about System not being a term for a person with DID is technically correct. System is, rather, the term used for the total collection of all the alters. But it is very much a term used by psychologists and it's accurate to refer to the Trinity as a system in this way.

Also, if the Tritheism bothers you, don't worry! We're going to go right back to modalism.

The H2O metaphor is controversial for the same reason as comparing God to Optimus Prime. It suggests God is simply changing form to become these different things.

Miscellaneous

Can you show me that rabbit hole?

I'm the one who Tweeted that, and have NEVER been on the OSDD sub.

Who do you think I am?

No... it definitely doesn't sound right. Religion shouldn't just be a thing for neurotypicals.

If one believes in God, then surely God made all people, including those of us who have mental illnesses. Why should Christianity and biblical references be kept away from people with mental illness other than ableism?

I mean, if by in peace, you mean without endogenic systems, then no. You can't.

We're here and we aren't going away. Ever.

And we exist in all spaces, including in your churches and your religious communities. And Christian systems shouldn't be expected to hide who they are because our existence bothers bigots like you.

We're going to share this world, and we're going to share spaces. And that includes churches and religious spaces too. Deal with it. 🤷‍♀️

Acknowledgements:

I would like to thank everyone at r/fakedisordercringe for giving me the free material. For a subreddit that's designed to laugh at people for supposed "cringe," you all sure are a goldmine for it! 😜

[zyonsay]

Yall are gonna be hearing some premium swiss german in my new joost series. Like full on bernese. Maybe some Zurich dialect too if i can find the masochism within to do that to myself.

Also another lil spoiler: i‘ll be projecting a lot onto the reader, specifically the problems i had growing up in a country where i was always seen as a foreigner even though i was born here.

(Rant/vent)

No matter how well i speak the language, no matter how much i try to integrate, i‘ll always be a foreigner. I‘ll always get stereotyped no matter if its the psychologists office, the classroom in my ‚inclusive and tight knit‘ school or even in church.

I‘ve had an identity crisis all my life. I learnt german as a first language because my mom didnt want me to struggle with language in school. But i never learnt the language the rest of my entire family speaks, Portuguese. I didnt fit in with the swiss kids, since they were all ‚real‘ swiss people and i didnt even have swiss citizenship. I didnt fit in with the portuguese kids because they all thought i was a ‚fake‘ portuguese because i dont speak the language.

My family hates me for not speaking their language and i hate myself for it too. Im grateful i never struggled with german, im actually very good at it, but i wish i wouldve been gifted the culture and tongue of my family.

I know it sounds simple ‚ohh, just learn it tf‘ but its more difficult than that. Firstly, im already learning 3 languages at school, plus dutch which i picked up because its quite easy to learn for swiss speakers.

I dont want to learn it like another duolingo course, but i want to speak it as my mothers tongue. I want the dialect the people from my hometown have, i want to know the slang that the boys playing football on the big sandy field next to my grandmas house use. I want to be fluent and find other portuguese people here in switzerland and be like „fala português??“

I want the community, i want the solidarity. For once i dont want to be the foreigner.

[princess-lvcifer]

vent about depression and blah blah blahhh

After talking to my psychologist yesterday I spoke to my mother and told her how bad I really am because of personal things that happened to me at the end of the summer, and my physical health problems that don't help (I'm having a flare of ulcerative colitis right now). The worst thing is the apathy (when I feel nothing I usually come back to my older fandoms, especially Pokémon as a coping mechanism because it's something really important to me that has seen me grow and has a lot of content so it's easy to distract myself). I've literally overcome worse things (both physically and mentally) and luckily I'm a very mentally strong girl with a mother who understands and respects what I'm going through, and I think the rest of my family will do the same when I dare to open up. I feel bad for wasting my aunt's money (even though I literally didn't asked her to assign me, she assigned me in driver's school literally without warning nor asking exactly a year ago) but for this very reason I don't think I will take the car licence test, or at least neither I nor any of my family members expect me to pass it if I do it. Even writing fanfics and watching shows or going out, that are things that I love, are exhausting right now, so no, I can't even think about studying something I dislike... I told her that I feel like I'm perceived as lazy and I feel bad for not being productive but she told me that it's okay and normal how I'm feeling and that she only wants me to be healthy and happy, that she knows how stress and sadness affects my stomach. I have the best mom in the entire world.

[apricustar]

get to know your mutuals!

thank you to @ranbling for tagging me :)

favorite color: PINK!!! as a kid my favorite was VERY HOT pink, but nowadays i think i like softer shades a bit more...

currently reading: sigh i started the year SO well with close to 16 books read in january and then school started again and i dropped the ball.. i'm in the middle of quite a few right now actually though let's see i have lancelot by giles kristian, the boy who was raised as a dog and other stories from a child psychologist's notebook by bruce perry, blue sisters by coco mellors, the spear cuts through water by simon jimenez, and why be happy when you can be normal by jeanette winterson ALLLL waiting for me... for when i have the brain capacity to read again... i'll probably end up restarting each of these or starting something else entirely whenever that ends up being.. but anyway so currently nothing beyond my awful textbooks :(

last song: troublemaker by beach house (my favs!!!!)

most recent film: a complete unknown !!! i liked it quite a bit actually

most recent series: 911... not even a copout answer i'm rewatching it both with my mom (we're at s8e9 together) and on my own (i'm at s6e3) and honestly when i finish my individual rewatch i'll probably restart it again :o i'm not great with starting new things... i just rewatch.. and rewatch.. but i have really wanted to start the Pitt i keep seeing everyone talk about it so if you've watched it and recommend it lmk...

sweet/salty/savory/sour: UGH I can't pick! I'm a BIGGG snack person... and i love salty snacks... but a sweet treat?? i can't live without those!! and i love sour candy the most... so... all......

tea or coffee: definitely both! I drink coffee more often but tea is very soothing

currently working on: jesus i wish i could say something fun but really i'm trying to decide what of the million things on my to-do list i get to look forward to doing tomorrow... but in the fandom sense i am also battling the brain rot because i have several post ideas for this blog right and these typically come to me while im getting ready for bed (remember when i predicted buck going to confession? yeah that came to me while i was blow drying my hair and i had to turn the blow dryer off and cobble a few random sentences that barely made sense before the idea left me) so my notes app is a MESS !!! i need to sit down and flesh them out soooooo i suppose... in a more fun way... i'm working on: something i feel could happen with buck in s9, something to do with eddie's ptsd and his parenting of chris, and chris in texas (this is something that's more of a fic i've been working on since chris first left for texas so. there's a lot, but it's not really written it's more ideas? ideas that i think might be better written up the way i write up my ramblings on here over a fic idk??)...we'll see when any of these come together as of right now it's just stuff like 'eddiechris across the years,' 'sock moved back,' 'maddie hospital note,' 'face to face -> imp that it is done this way,' 'go home together' like girl please its 3am what are you on....

no pressure tags! <3 @buckleyanddiaz @malewife-cas @eddiedisasterdiaz @srue-on-fire

[the-sonic-crew]

It did take me forever to actually send that ngl (the social anxiety thing) im actually shaking rn so my spelling may be a bit off, but i am able to send things to people when im slightly comfortable most of the time depending what i write i immediately regret it, it sucks and yes my mom is not a doctor though she tries she never does research.

She says she researched my adhd but i assume only the rough surface of it, but thats fine ig

But yes i remember in my first year of high school i was so nervous it was like pretty much during covid but we were aloud back into school with a certain protocol i remember this vividly because i remember feeling so bad for my group members, i was so nervous and everything but when it came to my turn to present i had the papers in my hand and i shook and stuttered so bad i almost cried and you could actually hear the paper almost rip, someone has to take over luckily for me my teacher was the best so supportive she was my tnt/advisory or whatever you call them teachers you need to visit everyday for atleast 20 minutes before a class, but she told me i didn’t need to present alone by myself even though i didn’t say i word that day or anything.

If i do get comfortable with someone i become the biggest CHATTER BOX in the world and honestly im surprised people stayed friends with me, i did take drama class and let me just say that did help me slightly but thats mostly because i had friends with me to help me out in the class pretty sure i would have broke in that class all by myself…

Anyways sorry about the rant it will be hard to speak up about this to my mom but i will definitely try i saw that shadow also has social anxiety, how do you deal with it shads?

Shaking so badly rn haha, but bad shaking does also run in my family so topping that with my social anxiety is probably bad, its the reason i learned to be so gentle with things and it makes my family have to remind me with certain things that I don’t need to be gentle

Damn i realized i wrote a lot sorry about that little rant of mine

Please, it's not a problem.

I'm still proud of you for being able to send us a message in the first place.

Have you considered the possibility you may have selective mutism?

I'm no psychiatrist/psychologist but it sounds like it could be a possibility.

Selective mutism is essentially where you cannot speak in public/when your uncomfortable, but can speak when you're comfortable and at ease.

It's just something I'd look into.

Anyways, I understand it's hard but I sincerely believe talking to your mother and/or having a trusted adult talk to her for you would be a very good choice.

But I also understand it's difficult, Sonic hasn't social anxiety a day in his life, he wouldn't understand how you feel, but I do and I know how difficult it is.

Please take care, and feel free to send us a message anytime.

[queerprayers]

hi johanna! i want to try going to church, but feel self-conscious. i live in a small town, my friends are not religious and my family is ex-christian. i'm worried about people judging me, even though i know that shouldn't matter. some of my family seem embarrassed of how christian we used to be and they'd be surprised i want to go to church. i feel equally worried about walking into a church where everyone knows everyone but me or seeing someone i know! any thoughts are welcome. love your blog!

Hello, beloved!

I'm sure you're not alone in this situation—honestly, it can be kinda embarrassing to genuinely want to participate in faith, the way it's embarrassing to be earnest about anything. People who aren't religious can completely misunderstand the motivations and experiences of religious people, and while I don't know why your family left religion, both people who just weren't all that into it and people who have been hurt by or have serious issues with the church can be (sometimes understandably) antagonistic toward people who stay or join. 

Perhaps judgment "shouldn't" matter—but it does, to most everyone. Something something how our brains are wired to desire acceptance—I'm not a psychologist. It makes sense and it's okay. Caring what people think often coexists with empathy—they're both awareness of others, desiring good emotions in others. But we cannot let empathy become fear of ourselves. Empathy extends to our own souls too. Being genuinely faithful in the face of judgment from outside and within your communities takes strength. Creating a life of your own is terrifying. This isn't fair, but it is our calling. 

In recent years, I've embraced the uncool-ness of my earnestness—my beloved amalgam of philosophy and religion that started as an apocalyptic cult and was co-opted by empire and has a lot of weirdos and needs to repent of its crimes and has produced some of the most beautiful art in the world and that attracts people to the walls of churches even after everything. I'm almost glad in some ways that it's not the assumption anymore that everyone is Christian, that more and more you have to go out of your way to be part of this thing. (I'm not completely naive—I know that where I live is a majority Christian country, and I am not pretending oppression or minority status or counterculture. But I am often met with surprise that I'm Christian, and I treasure that.)

The small town thing is its own beast—I live in a city (small but I think it counts), but I currently go to church half an hour away in a very rural area, and there's a specific environment of knowing everyone that I only have a tiny experience with but can imagine how exposed it must feel to try something new or change your life in any small way. And there is definitely a small church culture that can feel intimidating, like sitting at a new table in high school, wondering if somewhere tight knit has room for another. I can never promise this, but I know with my church and many others, welcoming a new person into that tight knit community is the most natural thing in the world. You'll probably get a more personal welcome, and be invited to more potlucks, and I can't promise someone there won't know your mom, but it's doable even as an introvert. Church people want more people at church—in lovely communal ways or in evangelistic ways, and while I hope you meet the former, even the latter has its own welcome. There are definitely ways to dip your toes in the water of church without braving this—like visiting a church while you're out of town, or tuning into a virtual service—but I believe in you to take it a step further. If you come a few minutes late and leave a few minutes early to avoid any conversation, I salute you. If you see someone you know and flee the other direction, I understand. If you go once and have to wait a few months to be brave enough to go back, so be it. But you have as much a right to exist on holy ground as anyone, and you already have common ground to stand on because you want to be there, just like them. I don't know how many churches are near you, but you're already going outside your comfort zone, so you might as well step into one that you're not familiar with—a more traditional mass, or a hippie sing-along. Don't set limits on your journey that is about pushing past limits.

You want to try this out, and it probably feels lonely, and you'll have to stomach surprise and probably being looked down upon by people who feel they know better, feel they have evolved past the need for silly little ritual, or for whom religion only exists as closed-mindedness. I don't know if you're queer, but I've had similar experiences of being the one to embrace where God and my heart lead me, to the embarrassment or shame of those who have never encountered it or have stifled it within themselves.  You'll have to stand your ground, the way anyone who seeks something their family and friends don't has to do. Formulate some answers for questions you may receive—but no one has a right to your story. You're allowed to be casual about things that are deeply personal, you can say "I don't know, I was just curious" when everything in your soul is calling out for this. Being publicly faithful often comes after you've done the reconciling within yourself. Have patience.

If you're into saints, find some who have gone their own way—Francis of Assisi comes to mind. I even think of Moses, telling a member of his own adoptive family to let his people go, standing his ground for people he had only recently come to love. The faithful that have come before us had to live through—and die from—so much. Entering new communities has always needed strength, the strength of God. Often a lonely way at first, but your family's embarrassment or your friends' lack of understanding is not your burden. Their judgment is on them to swallow down or bear the guilt of acting on it. Your choices and calling is for them to reconcile. I'm not saying we should do whatever we want without regard for how it affects others, but you are not causing harm, and any tension will not have been created by you going to church, but by them disliking or not understanding this fact. And tension is sometimes necessary for people to reconcile with—it'll be good for them. You're probably doing them a favor—we all need to learn how to love people the way they will need to. It sucks to feel like a teaching tool, and I don't want to reduce you to that, but so often living a full life means people who can't deal with that have to learn. Looking at someone embracing what you never found a way to flourish within or understand is like looking at the sun sometimes—I've been there. But it is not for us to apologize for the light. And it often happens that being that light will move someone else to bravery.

I'm sorry it falls on you to be brave first. I'm sorry that religion is not simple or easy, but genuine desire can and will take you so far. I have a hunch that after the first time, a lot of things will make more sense. Beginning is half of the journey sometimes. If you've already begun since writing this, I'm very proud of you, and if you haven't, you have so much beautiful time. Faith is not all or nothing, and it is never too late. Life does not begin and end in your small town, and life can and will flourish—you are part of such a big world and history, for better and worse.

God is with you, regardless. God is right there, walking with you, moving your feet over the threshold of places you muster so much bravery just to enter. What shouldn't matter but does, deeply, heartbreakingly, can be both taken seriously and let go of, through the peace of Christ.

<3 Johanna

[bladelickster-offical]

Today was my high school graduation. In secret from my parents, i brought a skirt, changed there.

My class's overseer, S, got mad. She told me that there was an agreement. As far as i know she just threatened me, and then annoyed my mom, to which she begged me.

She was the only one though. My actual teachers, classmates, acquintances, all complimented me.

Even the bitch school psychologist, who had me skip brunch over nothing* that one time was actually supportive.

I do think that the several other people who wouldn't like it, just didn't recognize me, because they weren't paying attention and i had red eyeshadows that i think i stole from my mom, but she doesn't mind i think.

Either way. Extremely positive experience. Very fitting that pride starts tomorrow, because i think this gave me the courage to come out to my dad. Uhm

*technically, someone tipped her off, that i wore eyeliner the other day, and she was like "if you have problems with identity...", which was my first interaction with her, ever, and i totally didn't need her help, so i told her i can resolve it on my own. But wasted the valuable ten minutes and went hungry that day. as a true mammal i internalized that grudge.

[justanotherjaydrawing]

Long post of headcanons incoming. (mostly SakuAtsu but shh) (CW for ableism and brief discussion of homophobia? Probably not necessary but better safe than sorry)

- Sakusa has EDS (specifically hEDS)

- ^^ he has thin and stretchy skin (and visible veins)

- ^ might have been self-conscious about that when younger (but Atsumu loves tracing all his veins so he’s less self-conscious about it these days)

- Ushijima was his first crush, though I don’t think it is that deep necessarily, but more that Sakusa finally saw another boy who cared about hygiene and was like thank fuck I’m not gonna be stuck with the gross boys I’m surrounded by, there’s a chance for me lmao

- ^ connected to that, I do think that Sakusa is only attracted to men and found it very distressing, not for homophobic reasons but simply because women are usually cleaner and the idea of dating someone who doesn’t wash their hands after peeing horrified him lol

- Lots of his joints are prone to dislocation or subluxation. Specifically his shoulders and knees.

- he used to avoid carrying heavy things with his left arm because it would just pop out of the socket.

- Sakusa grew up in a very ableist household. Rich parents insisting on having perfect children resulted in Sakusa pushing through a lot more than he should have

- a doctor suggested he was autistic and his parents asked if it could be ‘fixed’. When the doctor said no, they just claimed he wasn’t autistic and moved on.

- Sakusa didn’t address any of his mental health issues until his second year of university. He only realised because he was talking to his doctor about his symptoms, worried it was some underlying disease, only to be told it was anxiety and suggested to see a psychologist

- Sakusa almost didn’t see a psychologist, but ended up doing it out of rebellion against his parents.

- Rebel. Take care of yourself. I believe in you.

- It took him a long time to get confident enough about his disability to tell Komori that saying things like “its usually just in his head” is a pretty shitty thing to say to someone who has chronic joint issues. Komori is super apologetic because he hadn’t realised he was belittling Sakusa’s problems.

- Komori feels super guilty about it and ends up going down a rabbit hole of disability rights research and makes sure to speak up against ableism at every chance he gets. (not me, wishing for a Komori in my life lmao let me have this)

- Sakusa is very popular among the girls while in school, partly due to the fact he doesn’t hit on them but also they find him hilarious when he rags on the other boys in their classes.

- In university Sakusa and Yachi become friends

- idk who came up with the idea of Sakusa and Yachi being besties but I have seen it in so many fics and it honestly is the greatest thing to me and I adore it so fucking much. I love Yachi and her ability to befriend the grumpiest men.

- It has been said before, it will be said again. The Miya twin’s have a single mom. Honestly, this is just canon to me.

- I am leaning to thinking their dad just fucked off and was a complete deadbeat. The twins seem to have the sort of underlying rage that comes with being let down by father figure.

- They are both major mama’s boys.

- Atsumu gets irrationally upset about yo mama jokes. It doesn’t matter that he understands it is just a joke format, the idea of someone being mean to his mama makes him wanna throw hands

- this has been said before, but Osamu’s love of cooking came from helping out his mom in the kitchen as a kid

- later on this translated into him cooking for his mom when he was old enough to cook on his own. He loves taking care of people by feeding them. He loves that food can be a way to communicate and show love to people.

- The twins would join their mom for pamper nights

- this almost certainly started with their mom being like “I just need some me time” and Atsumu being like “ok but can I join?” “But Atsu, we’re gonna wear sticky gooey face masks~ and watch gross romance movies~” “...ok but can we have popcorn too?” “… yeah we can have popcorn.” so it turned from me time to Miya time lol

- Osamu sometimes joins but not always

- the twins have seen all the twilight movies so many times they could quote it from memory

- they quote it to each other as an inside joke but they are respectful when watching it with their mom because it is her favourite movie series.

- The Twins have very good hygiene routines due to being raised by their single mom.

- this does not translate to eating politely though.

- they do both have very good skin care routines though since their mom helped them sort it out

- Osamu is more lax about it because he doesn’t really care.

- Atsumu finds it soothing though

- Atsumu is weirdly good at “girl talk” because their mom started dating again once they were in high school, but she didn’t like keeping it hidden so she would come back from dates and just gossip about it with the boys. Osamu just listens quietly, but Atsumu loves ragging on the men if they don’t meet their standards lol

- I don’t think Atsumu would ever be in the closet really. This is based off of him not caring if people like him, but I think once he figured out his family would care he just wouldn’t feel the need to hide it. He would get in fights because of it and he had terrible survival instincts with it all, but he isn’t one to hide who he is (even in situations where it might be safer to do so).

- I don’t remember who said this but it is canon to me, Atsumu is hard of hearing. I hadn’t even considered it until I saw someone post about it and I can’t remember who it is OP I am so sorry, you changed my life and I don’t even know your name!!

- but hard of hearing Atsumu makes so much sense to me. Him being “too loud”, him being so attached to Osamu (probably due to having trouble communicating people when he was younger and feeling like Osamu was the only one who was on his side)

- this is just a reminder to me that I should draw him with hearing aids

anyway this is too much information and my head is still bleary with sleep so like if it doesn’t make sense im sorry lmao but I wanted to share my thoughts because I have too many and I am obsessed with these dumbasses.

also I said this is sakuatsu but really it is just Sakusa and Atsumu, not much about their relationship lol my bad

[possibly-god]

Hedy Mayer – the Rocket Scientist

(1975 – 27/2000 – 52)

Darleane Mayer met Dell Conagher in college studying theoretical physics – her second Ph.D., his sixth. For that one year they were study buddies, and for the one night of their graduation party they were something else.

The pregnancy was a surprise to Darleane, but not an unwelcome one – she had an interest in being a parent but not so much in being a wife, and with a bit of elbow grease she quickly proved herself unfireable from her new position at Black Mesa.

Baby Hedy was named after Darleane’s favorite inventor and actress Hedy Lamarr, and grew up in the halls of Black Mesa, learning the periodic table alongside the alphabet and designing space shuttles before she could drive a car.

While the sciences came easy to her, the humanities really didn’t – in the same school year she was TA-ing 10th grade trigonometry and repeating 6th grade English.

After high school, she spent a year interning at Black Mesa before her mom insisted that she get a degree – though what really convinced her to go was an ex-classmate’s insinuation that she couldn’t.

There is nothing this woman will not accomplish out of sheer spite – among her life’s greatest ambitions is to launch a teapot into stable orbit to get one over on her second-grade teacher.

Zephaniah Mann University took one look at her application and threw so many scholarships at her she’s practically being paid to attend – as of ‘75 she’s 7 years and 4 Ph.D.s deep (chemistry, astrophysics, aerospace engineering, and the college’s first computer science degree) with no signs of stopping.

It's at ZMU that she met Christoph, her best friend, husband for tax benefits, and partner in mad science.

It was Christoph who made Hedy the drunken bet that would change their lives – at his instigation, she invented the polycyclotron (a.k.a. the Tricycle, the Three-Ring-Circus) and became the first person to synthesize Australium.

It was this act that put her on OHM’s radar – and the rest of the kids, once OHM realized her connection to Team Fortress and began looking for others.

Discovering an adult child was not on Engineer’s bingo card when the team went on that rescue mission, and Hedy threw Dell for quite a few loops, but he did eventually get through to her over their mutual eccentricities (technical talents, music taste, mild god complex, etc.)

While on RED base, she becomes “chemistry buddies” with Demo and Pyro and develops a tenuous relationship with her father-in-law Medic (his skepticism is understandable - his marriage of convenience didn't go too well). She also encourages Kelly’s inventiveness, giving her construction tips.

Once everything with OHM is sorted out, Dell immediately calls Darleane for a long talk.

Meanwhile, Hedy returns to ZMU, presenting the Tricycle as her nuclear physics thesis. She accepts her fifth Ph.D. that June and her Nobel Prize the following December – her acceptance speech is the first in the institution’s history to include the phrase “kiss my ass.”

Hedy’s exit from ZMU heralds a hiring slap fight between NASA and Aperture Science – she picks the latter to start, though she’ll work at both and beyond in the coming years (after the fifth time she gets used as an unwitting test subject, she bids Aperture adieu).

The ’76 Conagher family reunion is one heck of an event – Hedy is quickly overwhelmed by her new grandpa’s, aunt’s, and cousins’ enthusiasm.

As Y2K passes uneventfully (with her help), Hedy accepts a position with Team Fortress Industries and joins her fellow “next-genners” in international mayhem as the Rocket Scientist (or “Rocketeer” for short and/or fun).

Next up - her psycho psychologist partner in life and crime...

TF2K Master Post